Facebook: My experience on the current most popular social network!

Introduction.

Speechless!

Dear readers, just before starting to write this post, I was actually finishing a recipe that I will most probably reread and publish, if everything goes to plan, in the next few hours.

However, I couldn't stop thinking about the title for this post, until out of curiosity I started looking for my "friend's" profile, simply because I haven't heard from her in a while and I wanted to know what she ended up doing in life.

It's not like any other friendship. We have, or at least, we had until now, a very nice rapport which was also intimate. It surely was a very tight friendship which was reciprocal and prevented us from drifting apart from one another in all possible and imaginable circumstances.

Checking her profile again!

Sorry for my persistence, but something I have just noticed on her profile, made me go into a state of scepticism. So much so I had to check for myself if it was true what I had seen, before I could continue writing!

How can it be?

I don't really know how it's possible, given that we were still friends on Facebook. Anyway, when I went onto her Facebook, I could no longer see her pictures, her links, her statuses, or any comments, which until now I was always able to see, and sometimes, but not too often, I would give it a like, or I would comment. So at this point, I must say, and think, more into it!

Starting from the beginning!

The problems I have come across with this however beloved social network in the past, which have been many, to be honest forced me to change my profile, more than once!

Change of profile

The first time was the most dramatic and crucial to be honest, at least regarding my friends' reaction. Unfortunately, it was because of coming into contact with someone who then turned out to be a cheater. When it came to pictures, I was scared of showing the world and therefore scared that people would copy my photos. Because I was a bit afraid of that brutal part of the world of social media, I decided to create a new account.

My first new profile!

With my first profile, I didn't have much success. "Why not?!", you may be wondering.

I'm going to tell you now! The problems linked to whether your Facebook is successful or not, live within Facebook itself: it's a list of rules which are potentially dangerous, as well as being potentially positive.

Facebook is like that!

It wasn't easy, at least for me, to learn how to accept Facebook's terms and conditions!

So much time!

In fact, I wanted to spend so much time to accept, understand and "know how to manage" these terms and conditions. I spent a long time doing this, in which I made a few different profiles to test out, one for my dearest friends to see, and another two professional profiles.

It doesn't work with two profiles!

None of these profiles were fake, but I still had contact from very different people on these profiles.

A name, a guarantee

Nevertheless, even in this case, I found myself in the same problems, mainly because, having my name on my profile, obviously I ended up receiving the same friend requests, on the different profiles, from the same people!

Goodbye Facebook!

And for that reason, I decided to finally delete Facebook. I managed to do it, contrary to what many of you must think, without many problems. I obviously missed this marvellous global platform a bit where I could easily see my online world. I had proof that Facebook was essential because last summer, when I eventually met up with my long-term friends, we went to see a cover band of one of my favourite singers one evening. I only knew about that event because of Facebook, which before I never thought I would have found out.

The first among many, one of my friends got married shortly afterwards! And that was very important news because it wasn't just any old friend, it was one of my old classmates!

This marriage was so significant because he was the first among many to get married!

Some news which wasn't so nice, on the contrary, a huge tragedy, was the fact that a famous footballer from my city (Cosenza) who even developed the test labs we used during my degree, had drunk a glass of water which was too cold, and died.

Pale and stunned by this news, my first thought, after taking a while to "come back to reality", made me realise the importance that this social media has, although sometimes very dangerous.

An unexpected return

And because of that, after thinking about it for a while longer, and much to my friends' delight, I returned to social media!

It didn't last long!

However, once again it didn't last long. Due to the same reasons regarding privacy, I was afraid of showing myself, especially to some people I never considered as real "friends".

And just like that, I deleted my account once again.

My big comeback!

I therefore created my new profile in which I made a promise that I wouldn't give any personal information away to people who I didn't know, or to the public. That included my profile pictures and cover photos, although there were only two. Even though I wanted to hide them from the "public world", the world in its true meaning, there was no way of doing that!

Profile pictures

For that very reason, I had trouble finding my friends, and sometimes I even had to convince them it was really me! Not to mention the fact that almost every day I received a tonne of messages asking me to at least show my profile pictures.

Following my horrible experiences, I then decided to wait for the moment I was ready to show my pictures to the world, and therefore I added my profile picture. It's the same picture I have used on this Erasmusu platform, where I seem really happy. It was taken on my graduation day. There it was! If I ever had to choose a photo which showed me at my best, I would choose that photo!

In fact, from that day I have never changed it and, to tell you the truth, I haven't even felt like changing it!

My cover photos

This was even more tedious. Who wanted to see my cover picture anyway! I still didn't have the courage, the will, the need, or who knows, to post one!

An online love affair!

What's more important, well much more important is the effect Facebook had on my love life!

Why on earth did I sign up to Facebook?!

It's not a rhetorical question this time! Instead, it's a question that I have asked myself many times when, at the end of my long love story which started online, I was once again single and alone.

Nevertheless, the main reason I signed up to Facebook was because I wanted to be in contact and be kept up-to-date with my friends. But I dare say it, it was also the fact that I was able to keep in contact with my boyfriend who was very charming at the time.

My "love story"!

If I had to define it today on 23rd August 2016, I wouldn't call it "my love story", yet it was still a real relationship, it started online and I spent some years of my life suffering, crying, but also loving. Or at least, trying to understand what the word love meant.

I can't stop to tell you about it or summarise it, this isn't the right place. I can however, say that it all happened from a friend request which that boy had sent me because we had some "friends in common". And little by little, I fell completely in love with that gorgeous boy, that I can say!

It's a shame because my heart was broken so many times, just like I'm sure I broke his too, without meaning to. So with no regrets or remorse, I asked myself many times if I hadn't have had anything better to do that day when I started talking to that boy, where would I be now? To be honest, at the beginning, I declined his request more than once, not because I didn't like "his profile picture", but simply because I hadn't ever met him in person!

The end of the relationship

In the end, I don't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing. The fact remains that it is possible today relationships can easily start in that way and that makes me scared, with all my heart, if I think about wanting to start a family of my own when perhaps, or not, my husband would receive a "friend request" from someone while I would be preparing the dinner!

General information.

How long did this experience last?

It has been around 9 years since I started this social media experience.

When did this experience happen?

Online! In the global world, I would say! However, often the problems I found myself in on this social network, came from people who didn't come from my city!

What is the best memory you have from this experience?

I would want to say that, as it's not always the case, when I write a new post, despite everything, there are so many best moments which have been thanks to Facebook! More than anything, they're memories of family, love and friends!

Actually, how can I not forget the songs my ex boyfriend tagged me in?! The links to lyrics he dedicated to me, and our photos which magically became the image the whole world had of us?

Who knows, perhaps it's because of this I changed my profile. To avoid thinking about things and seeing things I shouldn't have or didn't want to see.

Loving someone through this social media isn't easy or simple: it's something much wider and deeper in relation to simple messages or phone calls. It's as if, subconsciously, we wanted to shout about it to the world that in love, it would seem to make us more certain, wrongly, of the feelings we felt in that particular relationship.

And instead, it isn't always like that: sometimes, you even exaggerate feelings "from nothing", in a "not too intense" way, making it public, faced with opinions and judgement from hundreds, or thousands, or millions of people we know and don't know.

And for that reason, in the new profile I have now, for the first time I feel safer. Well at least from that side of things.

And thanks to the fact that I have realised, just like in a big book, once you have written something on Facebook, it stays there forever and "no one", expect you can delete it.

A long diary you can't delete!

It's just like that, one big secret diary which magically goes public!

Maybe that's the problem with everything. That you can't, or at least you shouldn't go public with some things which are truly private, otherwise, it loses value.

And just that fact of having chosen not to make my love life public, or what have you, I feel better. I feel more protected and less threatened by judgement, discussions and gossip. Although it wasn't all bad, at the end of the day.

But, more than ever, I feel less threatened by the fear of not managing to be alone with my memories in case my latest relationship were to end.

Jealously and envy!

And what about envy? I'm sure that each and every one of you has acknowledged, at least once in your life, that you have thought someone else could have been jealous of you. And as a matter of fact, it's exactly like that! The fact now I can easily share events, activities and moments of joy on Facebook, doesn't mean that I have forgotten about, or I haven't thought that someone out there is jealous of me.

Unfortunately, this isn't a problem relating to Facebook, but rather it happens in life itself.

There are so many friendships I would have wanted to accept, like many of us, but for the rest of us, when our enemies hide in the middle of our most loved friendship groups, how can we "not accept friendships"?!

And that's the case for so many people. Although showing a positive attitude towards us at first, we seem to have it in us not to accept a friend request?! Doesn't it seem a bit strange?!

Strange?!

More than strange, I would say that this is a lot more simply, revealing. And by saying revealing, I mean if we think about how fake people can be with just a smile, when we deny people access to our profile or contact number, perhaps, until then they will still be nice to us!

Jealously and betrayal!

I'm now indirectly going towards the topic that we are all facing shortly before touching on something more painful, that is love and betrayal.

Have I never been betrayed?!

I really think I have! However, I would like to continue to think, or at least, hope that during my relationship my exes have given me their word of nothing seeing anyone else, in an encouraging way.

Yet still, it was just thanks to some photos uploaded after my most famous breakup, that perhaps not everything was as it had seemed, and I started to notice some "suspicious behaviour" from my ex.

"She's only a friend!".

That's what he said to me, and I had stupidly, ingenuously and confidently believed him. Who knows, maybe then, he was right, given that even after the breakup, he continued speaking to me and seeing me. However, after he was seeing the other girl (what a coincidence!), he got together with her after a few months!

It's a shame, but his "relationship" with her lasted a little more than 5 days and after he came crying back to me!

It didn't last long however, their friendship, which at certain moments I had my doubts about. It completely ended, even though seemingly I knew it would!

Let's get back to us!

How did I end up knowing about this opportunity?!

It happened through the continuous repetition of the word Facebook during practically every fun moment, that I almost became obsessed, that even I wanted to be part of this social media.

If I could, would I choose to repeat this experience?

Mmmmmm... I would say so! It's not a question of wanting to be part of it or not. The point is that "the world is like that", our generation has "evolved" (that I hope!) and this is the only means available in the world, to attract the attention of certain people, including friends!

So, I would say that, even if I didn't want to, I would have to sign up again to this social network!

What would I change if I went back in time?

I imagine that, without a doubt, I wouldn't be able to repeat this experience nowadays, yet in hindsight if I could do it, I would try not to draw attention to my most intimate declaration of love, or photos that really the girl next door does not deserve.

Working in the fashion world, I find it difficult to expose myself without exposing myself which is why I created a fan page. It's to make it more impersonal for people, or at least it will be used for the reason it was specifically created, I hope!

Advice for the future.

In this post, I would have an endless list of advice to give, to lots of different people. So why not, let's do it!

I will give you some advice on things regarding managing your profile!

Let's talk about privacy!

Advice on how to protect your own privacy.

With regard to this topic, I recommend:

• Not posting any pictures which are more intimate and confidential anywhere on Facebook, especially not as a profile picture or a cover photo.

• Avoiding making personal information public, especially by modifying the privacy settings.

• Not making the mistake I once made of writing really intimate and personal posts about our private life (I'm referring to one of my bad habits I used to have which actually lead to people insulting me, even for showing my intimate side, my love life, or for writing statuses about love or relationships. Under the post, I saw this comment: "every reference to something or someone is purely coincidental").

• Not chatting too much, or if not at all with people who you hardly know (for example, I would say that Facebook is made for not only keeping in touch with friends, but also meeting new people, or talking to people you hardly know. That's why I noticed in all these years, some people take advantage of it to create online rapports, but in reality, they would be non-existent. Anyway, I'm not going to tell you too much!).

  Would I recommend this experience to others?

  I can't say! I have a friend who isn't on Facebook, but we are still really close. I would love to tag her in things, so I always end up asking her to sign up, again and again, to be able to share our friendship with others, but every once in a while, she pulls a face and says "Mmmmm... maybe I should!". But I soon advise her not to do it!

  I can say that in her case it wouldn't be necessary to sign up. It would be just be something extra. In my case however, it is a necessity because of my work, prior to having friends and contacts on there, even though in my mind, I would write the same post for both personal and work-related contacts, just in case!

  Advice for others!

  I would recommend singing up to a social network, which has now become an essential part of life, almost! But just be careful.

  For example

  I can imagine how much people can love their child, however think, how can that child be protected, once one of their photos has been uploaded to the world wide web?

  The world we live in today is full of good, but also bad, and sometimes we make up the bad by ourselves.

  We are all spied on

  Have you ever had the sensation that someone on Facebook has been spying on you? Well, I have! For sure! This sensation will feel really strange. If we think about the moment we accept someone's friend request, we allow them to have access to our private information, which we, and only we decide whether to publish or not.

  So given that, how can it annoy us when our "friends" say things on Facebook? In reality, we have given them consent to see our photos, our comments and the links we publish, and instead we hardly care about it. Does that really bother us?

  I think I'll leave it there, if I haven't already gone there from the beginning of this post, talking about psychology!

  This is actually one of my areas of study. However, I don't feel capable of giving life-saving pills, which could be criticised as working well, in any case, in the community.

  That's why I advise you to really take a look at my advice, that are really just simple personal opinions which have come about because of so many years of experience!

  I honestly think that the real reason this happens, among all of us, is because not everyone we add on Facebook are true friends.

  Forgetting the fact that every day, it must cross our minds that we could be being betrayed by one of our best friends. The most intimate and confidential connections we have with people are not always the same. We could perhaps have a good relationship with a work colleague, even if we've only just met them, and then suddenly we feel a sense of reliability!

  One more thing.

  It's not easy for me to be here on the computer writing on the keyboard, almost comfortably sat down, on a summer's night, giving advice here and there about how to "protect yourself on Facebook". More importantly, it's not easy, or certain that in some cases things on Facebook won't be reported on your page. That may never happen to you, in your life.

  Conclusion.

  A harsh but necessary truth!

  And with this incredibly sad, but happy ending I want to leave you there. I want to end with this not because I want to make you sad, but quite simply because this is the truth, although very painful.

  We can't escape from the truth, neither do we escape from wanting to remain on what is currently the most beloved social network, at the same time.

  I say "currently" because I'm sure that Facebook will be around for many more years.

  But who knows? Maybe in a few years, even Facebook along with everything else, will come to an end.

  Who knows? Maybe it has already come to an end. Anyway, in that case I hope to be a "good grandmother" and to know how to spy on my grandchildren so they don't post things they shouldn't.

  Thanks so much for reading this post!

  I hope you liked it, and wait for my next post!

  Until next time!

  P. S. : One more thing!

  In conclusion to this post I'm writing on 23rd August 2016, I would like to say a big thanks to my most loving readers, because it's really thanks to them that if everything goes well in the next "few minutes", I will have gained the first position, for the second time in my second experience!

  And I promise that, if not today, I will be there in a week, I will do everything to get to first place until the end of the competition!

  Thank you so much, and this time I mean it:

  Until next time!

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