28 reasons why you should never go to Portugal
Published by 
Nuno vanZeller
— 9 years ago
Blog: O canto da mixórdiaTags: Erasmus blog Portugal,
Portugal,
Portugal
If you ever think about going to Portugal to spend some time, then I strongly suggest you read this article before making your decision. It's for your own good, really.
1. Portugal is rather dull-looking.
Douro River, Porto.
2. The natural landscapes aren’t exactly breathtaking.
Douro Valley
3. If you’re looking to go to the beach, forget it. They're all crap.
Praia da Rocha, Algarve.
4. Yep, nothing to see here at all, folks.
Beach cave at Praia de Benagil, Lagoa.
5. Please, the hobbit house is a lot cooler. You poser.
Casa do Penedo in Fafe, Braga.
6. It's a country with absolutely no history.
Padrão dos Descobrimentos, Lisbon.
7. It’s boring to be at. Nowhere interesting to go to.
Guimarães Castle, the birthplace of Portugal.
8. It’s just meh.
Serra da Estrela
9. No interesting wildlife.
Iberian Wolf
10. The countryside is as exciting as watching paint dry.
Drave, Aveiro.
11. Aveiro is Portugal’s Venice? Pfff, please. Nice try.
Aveiro
12. The food looks awful.
Cozido à portuguesa.
13. And then there’s also the "francesinha" I wrote about in my former post. It almost makes you wanna throw up, doesn’t it?
Francesinha from Tappas Café in Candal, Vila Nova de Gaia, Porto.
Check out the former post here.
14. The drinks too. No good wine anywhere in this country. Just awful.
Graham’s Port Wine.
15. No especially tasty sweets either for dessert. Why God, why?
Pastéis de Belém, Lisbon.
16. The cities, especially the main ones, look horrible. And you call yourself the capital, Lisbon?
Praça Marquês de Pombal, Lisbon.
17. Nothing cultural or traditional worth noting.
Festa do São João in Porto (lit. St. John’s Festival).
18. Museums are even more boring than usual. No history, remember?
National Coach Museum, Lisbon.
Serralves Museum, Porto.
19. No good music festivals happening either. Much less international ones.
Rock in Rio Lisbon 2014.
20. And even the women are hideous. Seriously, some of them even have a moustache!
Sara Sampaio, Portuguese model (with a little tweak, lol).
21. Awful music called “Fado” that is apparently held in high regard by all the Portuguese. Can’t figure that one out for the life of me.
A drawing of Amália Rodrigues in Lisbon. She is considered to be the voice of Portugal, the Queen of Fado.
22. In terms of sports, Portugal sucks. No one here cares much about it, especially about football.
Estádio da Luz, Lisbon. Portugal x Sweden, 2013.
23. The people are very rude. And they don’t care much for foreigners. You’ve been warned.
Merchants at the Bolhão Market, Porto.
24. And look, it’s a freaking wasteland mostly.
Marvão, Portalegre.
25. Especially in Alentejo. It’s basically the desert of Portugal.
Alentejo.
26. People don’t know how to party there. Really disappointing.
Xutos e Pontapés at Enterro de Aveiro, April 2014.
27. So, if you still haven’t got the message…
Parque da Cidade do Porto.
28. Don’t bother traveling to Portugal!
Torre de Belém, Lisbon.
Oh, and also...
Cristiano is obviously sad to see you’re never, ever coming to visit his country. So is Mourinho, but a tough SOB like him would never show his tears.
You've probably realized it halfway through this, but I am indeed contradicting myself in this article. And yes, this is on purpose. That's because Portugal is actually one of the best places you could ever visit! Just ask anyone who's been there that was in a position similar to yours, or people that actually live there. And yes, you will probably encounter some older people with moustaches, although it's not as common as before. But not women though! That was just a joke.
I hope not...
Photo gallery
Content available in other languages
- Polski: 28 powodów, dla których nigdy nie powinieneś odwiedzić Portugalii
- Português: 28 Razões pelas quais nunca deve ir a Portugal
- Türkçe: Portekiz'e gitmemek için geçerli 28 neden
- Nederlands: 28 redenen waarom je nooit Portugal zou moeten bezoeken
- Français: 28 bonnes raisons de ne jamais partir au Portugal
- Italiano: 28 motivi per cui non dovresti mai andare in Portogallo
- Deutsch: 28 Gründe warum du nicht nach Portugal gehen solltest
- Español: 28 razones por las que nunca deberías ir a Portugal
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Comments (40 comments)
I agree with the ones about food wine and women, but the rest is wrong :P
I am Portuguese(Madeira Island) and we'll have to agree to disagree.
How come, Fabio?
Aw come now, Mike, I guess you just need to see it to believe it :D Ever been to Portugal?
Ridiculous post, really.
Guys this is a sarcastic post... She is saying how much she LOVES Portugal... That's the whole point!!!!!
So true! I did an exchange year in Lisbon, I absolutely loved it. It was the best time of my life. Such a beautiful country, so many amazing things to see and great people. I totally agree with you. Saudades de Portugal!
Btw, I'm a "he" Stephanie hahaha. And it is surprising to see the amount of people who don't understand sarcasm. Not just here, but in Facebook and other social media.
Thank you July! Glad you liked it! Hope you can visit Portugal again sometime :)
Excelent!
thank you so much for this article Nuno vanZeller. I'm proud to be portuguese...
good work...
Spent two weeks in Portugal in 2012 (mostly Lisbon and the Algarve) and loved absolutely everything about it. Hope to get back someday and see the rest of this beautiful country.
I don't now what's your f*problem Nuno "smth", however thanks God for this, it means that I'll can enjoy my country without having to step over you with my nice portuguese car ... Cheers ;)
People, just google "sarcasm" and you will understand.
The guy that wrote this doesnt know that The capital of Portugal is Coimbra not lisbon.
Nah bro, it's obviously Porto. Everyone knows that.
very nice article Nuno, congrats!!!!!
The guy who wrote dont know nothing about my Country... Stupid Guy, is his name.....
Já vi muita coisa e li bastante.. Mas.. O que este tipo escreveu é de alguém bastante fútil!!! Ele que fique no País dele, nós por cá não precisamos de gente ignorante.. Vá-se tratar!!!
What's Portuguese for "sarcasm"?
29. A originalidade não é lá muito o nosso forte. http://www.buzzfeed.com/annaneyman/27-reasons-you-should-never-visit-poland#.mow57Gdw
sarcasm means --- http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sarcasm
sarcasmo significa -- http://www.significados.com.br/sarcasmo/
Don't bother with Portugal. It's nothing special. Beware also of crazy motorway tolls and rip off car rental. Usually there is mileage limit and charge on every mile thereafter. Be ready for a nasty car rental bill. Sneaky tactics in play to rob your money. I don't recommend renting a car unless you enjoy being ripped off. I won't be going back to Portugal that's for sure.
23. Lady in market was kinda nice but a ripoff artist !She sold us rotten fruit for high prices ! I hate being ripped off it just puts an awful taste in my mouth. Especially from this fruit vendor . Buyers beware!
To whoever created this stupid meaningless article: DIE!
What the hell? I wonder, have you ever visited Portugal? All your statements points that you actually never did.
Of course this site is a joke ! There is really nothing to not like about Portugal, and it is still one of the least visited and known Western European countries. Often over-looked and over-shadowed by Spain, if you have already travelled extensively in some of the more well-known countries like Spain, France and Italy....give Portugal a try !The country has a very rich navigational heritage, nice and warm people, good wines and great foods, classic Mediterranean charm, many historic and cultural sights to see and a great and diverse natural landscape from North to South. You will be glad you did !
my jaw dropped especially when you mentioned the people there being 'non-friendly' seeing as portugal is one of the most friendliest nations on earth. its a relief that this is a joke! lol.
Of course this is a BIG joke !Every scene and landscape is quite magnificent and Portugal has a lot to offer a traveler.....if you just give it a chance !
I find Portuguese to be very aggressive pushy drivers. They tend to drive on the bumper of the cars in front of them.
Why do they do this? because they are rather arrogant and truly believe they are the only ones entitled to be driving on the road. Watch out for them at food buffets too where they do the exact same, shoving and pushing to the front. Even threatening to beat people up if they give them the wrong look. If you do get into a fight with their macho males, beware because they tend to fight dirty, either on 1 or scratch & bite like girls. Yes, this makes them extremely arrogant people, in my opinion and I am sure some Portuguese will want to prove me wrong and tell me I am not entitled to an opinion (it's their Barosso/Ronaldo arrogance showing) in the coming responses I expect why follow telling me I am wrong and they (Portuguese are correct, wait for it.......
One last point to the writer of this article, Portugal is so great, the vast amount Portuguese are forced to go overseas for work because your country is so corrupt and you cannot earn enough to live off, but you would not contradict your self on that point, nor mention it because Portuguese are all so perfect....and hubris. But that's just my opinion.
ps... Portuguese do however have an excuse for driving so atrociously, the excuse is, they only switched from donkey power to + 200 bhp in the late 1980's, hence, they don't yet have the knack of controlling sophisticated machines yet. They cannot afford them either but they buy on credit the fastest, latest, expensive cars, with money provided them by the the EU taxpayer, thanks to ECB QE money printing machine and that is why they are friendly because the rest of us pay them so they can buy expensive 2nd villas and cars. Wake up Europe!!!
trevgkify, então? Não conseguiste faturar enquanto lá estiveste, foi?
Hummm,someone who didn't have luck while he was here... Having money doesn't mean you are good looking
Writer here. trevgkify, while I could just answer you like "tl;dr", like most of the Internet would, I'll just say this: it's a valid opinion.
I can't really relate to it, as what you wrote never happened to me once, but ok. It sucks you had to experience such misfortunes there and, consequently, proceed to commit the fallacy of generalizing an entire people as "arrogant" or "atrocious". You'll be missing out on a lot of great stuff.
And you do have a point about the emigration issue, but trust me, it's not as bad an issue as you make it look like.
And that P.S...great stuff. I reckon we should start investing in donkey power again, might help against global warming and the atrocious driving you mentioned. Then Europe could follow suit! And so on.
Anyway, here's hoping you can give Portugal a second chance someday!
Sorry for all the portuguese getting angry at you, they didn't get it was a joke and although portuguese are usually nice they can do a 180 when they feel someone is criticizing their country. That's our own job ahah
Para os portugueses, este post é sarcástico, por favor parem de ser rudes para alguém que fez um artigo sobre o quanto gosta de Portugal, só estão a manchar a nossa imagem, ainda por cima num post que mostra tudo o que há de bom no nosso país.
I been treated like crap by people from this country. I hate it
Very selfish and crooked people and businesses. Very slow and lazy. Things never happen in Portugal and promises are very rarely kept. Customer service is a joke. Very hollow-worded people - what they say and talk, never happens and is just b/s. I did not even bother buiding relationships with them. It's like building a relationship with a donut hole. Also very stupid people. Illiterate. Never invite into their home. No wonder, there are many quicksilver thieves. Once you gort mno money left to spend, you will not have any "friends". It will be very calm in your house as there will ber no visistors anymore or friends calling you. They will move to other countries to get jobs, because Portugal now has lower salaries than some ex-Soviet states. First impression in Portugal - oh how friendly and nice! But when you dig deeper, they are xenophobic, self-centered, depressed, self-inverted. There are nice ones, but few in between. Hold on to nice ones and treat them well, cause there are not so many and 50% are rude. I am not a Brit, I am from Kazakhstan.
The only reasons that make enjoyable to travel or vist Portugal are nature, surf, food, fresh air and architecture. All the rest is so crappy! I felt so miserable living there and oh my god the majority of the Portuguese people are so superficial, greedy, rude, dumb, slow, close minded and fucking ridicouly annoying. They are only looking for your money, your help or to benefit from you, they think they are smart but they are just a bunch of lazy retarded gypsies still in the middle age and there is no way they can get change their culture or way of thinking anytime soon, I could not cope with them.
It’s not surprising so many people here in the comments don’t understand this is pure sarcasm because the portuguese are perhaps the dumbest people in all of Europe. One guy in the comments here even says Coimbra is the capital of Portugal, which yeah, ok, it is, because of some technicality stemming from some century old treaty nobody cares about but him. But the de facto capital is in fact Lisbon because that’s were power resides. But that’s typical, the portuguese live in the past. You’ll hear people link their poor economy to the earthquake of 1755 as if they still haven’t gotten over it. In my experience the Portuguese are some of the dumbest, most incompetent people I’ve ever had the displeasure to waste my time with socially and are absolutely infuriating to do business with. Yes, they are very sweet and nice but essentially they are so full of sh*t. Nothing ever gets done and the words coming out of the mouths are not worth the air they fart. The portuguese are phony, xenophobic, gloomy, have no imagination or a spec of imagination and everybody smokes. Of course, this is not a generalization, oh no. I’m not talking about everyone in Portugal, no. I’m only talking about the hundreds of portuguese people I met socially and had to do business with during the several years I lived and owned a business there. Worst years of my life. Do yourself a favor and study elsewhere. Anywhere else will be better.
My personal experience with Portugal.
I have to sadly agree with prior comments. Yes, regarding the sarcastic article above, Portugal has some nice beaches, nature, and fancy looking places. Yet, at the same time it is nothing to crave about, the weather is much better in Mediterranean countries, variety of pretty landscapes is higher in bigger countries, food is just "ok", people are friendly, but not friendlier then most developed countries. The real upside is missing though - Portugal is a safe place.
When it comes to live there, different story. First of all, it is expensive for what you get, rents, cars, electronics, restaurants. Selection is not very high. Online shopping experience is really bad, since delivery often does not work.
Bureaucracy is the worse I have seen in my life. Getting simplest things done is always a bid deal in Portugal, taking forever and being costly. Something like getting residency with EU passport is highly complicated and time consuming, elsewhere it requires 1-2 short appointments.
The only worse thing than bureaucracy, is doing business with Portuguese people. Greedy, incompetent, never keep a promise. Everything takes forever. I am avoiding doing business in Portugal, unless I have to. Wanted to buy a house here, but after the experience I will opt for a different place. Taxes are also extremely high.
Overall, I would not recommend it for most people. Unless you want to buy the EU citizenship with golden visa, or benefit from 0% crypto taxes/NHR regime.
Just a little background info before I say what I need to say: I am an American and I've lived in Portugal now for 2 years. My daughter gained Portuguese citizenship as she was just recently born here. So this is all coming from real experience... First of all, I just want to call out this article as clickbait bs. Yes, there's great beaches and Fado and whatever. It is a great place to VISIT. But Portugal is a mess. If you really spend any significant time here you'll see that this country is rife with corruption, laziness and incompetence. It's nearly impossible to get anything done here that requires the help of a portuguese person/entity. They just don't care. Even the most simple, menial tasks are put off until the last minute or are just left unfinished. You know, I could complain just about the small things: the excessive smoking, the crazy, homicidal drivers, or the bland and lifeless codfish dishes that bring so much "pride" to this country. But after so many disappointing encounters with the Portuguese both in my private and business life, I feel obligated to speak out and say that Portugal is a crap country to live in and I now realize why soooo many of its younger citizens have left the country altogether. I'm moving back to the US. F this place.
Unfortunately have to agree with the previous comments, the only good thing about this shithole is nature and the weather. Other than that forget it cause this is no country for young men. It's fucking hard to grow up in this land and just live what it would be considered a normal life in most european countries, by this i mean being independent. That's the reason why this generalized peasant mentality keeps perpetuating, cause the majority of people face so many cultural and economic barriers to leave their nest that they tend to fall into the same patterns as the previous generations.
The country is beautiful and the weather is nice, but it’s not enough to make Portugal a great place. May be tourists like it, but I question it as there is no notion of customer service in the country. And as for people…I had way too many bad experiences here. When you try to built some sort of relationship with people here they just take from you with no return and if there is a tiniest problem they will turn and blame you. The worst thing is they grow to expect you to be nice and become more and more rude and disrespectful. Also there are a lot of dishonest people that try to cheat and rip you off at every possible occasion… as for food everyone has a different taste. I personally find it bland.