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27 reasons why you should never visit Norway

Published by Nuno vanZeller — 4 years ago

Blog: O canto da mixórdia
Tags: Erasmus blog Norway, Norway, Norway

Norway. Have you ever been there? I doubt it. Not really much to tell about it, really. I mean, most people just know it for the seafood and Viking stories, which goes to show just how little there is to talk about. But let me show you some more Norwegian things that just add salt to the wound:

1. Allow me to break the ice, then.

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The Briksdal glacier, part of the Jostedalsbreen glacier.

Get it? “Break the ice”?... I’ll show myself out then.

2. Snow. Lots of snow.

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Big snowbanks on the road. People and bus for scale.

3. Along with a silly amount of water, too.

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The Geiranger Fjord. And unfortunately, there are plenty more like this.

4. Hey, it’s Pride Rock! The Lion King, hell yeah!

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Aww it’s just Trolltunga. Quite the troll, indeed. I like Lion King, damn it.

5. I’ve played enough platformer games to know where this is going.

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"It's a trap! " - Admiral Ackbar about this Kjeragbolten above.

6. You can really “chill out” around here, huh?

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The Lyngen Alps

Get it? Huh?... I’ll stop now…

7. That’s a pretty crappy lightshow

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The northern lights... pff, couldn't even light a basement.

8. Norway says: "Fu** your sleep! "

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The midnight sun, at the country's northernmost point, can last up until 60 days during the summer. Better buy a mask if you wanna sleep at all.

9. A 24, 5 km tunnel? Yey, so much fun…

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I wonder how far you’ll be able to go in this Lærdal Tunnel without falling asleep.

10. An old, creepy and dark church. Sooooo interesting...

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Is what Borgund Stave church is not.

11. And this is Oslo. Wait…really?

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Oslo is quite the letdown.

12. And in Oslo, you got this freaky park with disturbing statues that are called art by some people.

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Plenty more pics here. Norway, you got some issues.

13. Bergen…or more like BLEHrgen.

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Harbour area in Bergen with a sickly green in the skies. Ugh.

I lied, I won’t stop with the puns.

14. Reine… or ReiNAH, more like it!

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Reine village

YOU CAN’T STOP MY PUNS! HAHAHAHAHAHAA!

15. Oh look, a cathedral. Yeah it’s totally amazing because it’s obviously the only cathedral around in Europe.

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Nidaros Cathedral in Trondheim

No, no pun now. I am a merciful god.

16. Jotunheimen, a. k. a “The Home of the Giants”. Ok, but where are they?

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It doesn’t really look like a home for giants, I’d expect the mountains and the houses to be a lot bigger than that. Huh, maybe that’s why there aren’t giants.

17. Deepest lake or not, I’m tired of all these lakes.

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Hornindalsvatnet, supposedly the deepest lake in Europe. So what? It still doesn’t have the Lockness monster.

18. The Three Country Cairn. Because Norway needs it.

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Treriksrøysa

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Muotkavaara

Why? To feel important. Oh, and btw, it has two! Talk about seeking attention. One is the border between Norway, Sweden and Finland (Treriksrøysa), and the other is between Norway, Russia and Finland (Muotkavaara).

19. The birthplace of skiing? Figures. Boring sport for a boring country.

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Not to mention kind of a dangerous sport. Boring to watch and dangerous to do. Highly recommend it.

20. It’s also the place for reindeers. Who cares about them reindeers and snow, anyway?

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Reindeer in Norwegian woods.

21. At least you can hunt them, and make a reindeer stew. But it doesn’t look so good to me.

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Also known as Finnbiff.

22. Holy sh**, no.

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Trollstigen, and all those hairpin bends… God, and I thought the Transfagarasan road in Romania was awful…between the two of these, as a saying in Portugal goes, “let the devil choose”.

23. The suicide rock

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Or Preikestolen, but I prefer calling it the former.

24. Norway’s food looks rather “fishy”, yeah.

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Lightly salted cod fillets with egg-butter.

Indeed, the puns are back! Hahaaa!

25. Plus, you may “meat” some dishes that are a complete misSTEAK!

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Pinnekjøtt

You might even say that it won’t MEAT your expectations!...No? One too many? Ah well. I’ll stop now, for real.

26. So, do you need any more reasons not to go to Norway? Then how about this?

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The Hardangervidda National Park, the largest plateau in Europe. 3, 422 square kilometers of nothing.

27. And besides, who gives a damn about Norway's Vikings? Would you be interested in visiting viking-related stuff? I didn't think so.

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Viking festival in Karmøy

Look at this poor festival trying to simulate viking battles. Just stick to the TV shows, folks.

Ok, all jokes aside, Norway looks amazing! I would kill to be able to go there. Ok, maybe not, that's just wrong. But I would love to go there! The cities and towns look amazing alongside those lakes, and you even get the chance to see the northern lights AND the freaking midnight sun! I confess I'm not a big fan of the cold, but it's a small price to pay to be able to visit the glaciers and to go skiing! (though I never tried skiing)

If you ever get the chance, pay this country a visit. I think you'd be in for the time of your lives! I know I would. :D And besides, did you know that Disney's "Frozen" was inspired by Norway? It did. What, don't believe me? Then look at this!


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Comments (2 comments)

  • Knut Holt 2 years ago

    Well, at least some of these places could be a good reason to visit Norway, actually, if it had not been for some deplorable facts: Everything is extreemely expensive in Norway. It takes an effort, both in expences, time and foootwork to get to see many of those places. The weather in Norway is often so bad that you will not get any pleasure form going to any of these places. The food you get in Norway is generally of bad quality. Norway is actually a physically dangerous place to be a tourist if you do not know how to prepare and do not watch every step you take. But if those facts do not bother you, come and visit. Norway is however a geologically, paleontologically and biologically interesting place, so if you have such special interests, Norway has much to offer. By the way, I am Norwegian, and know what I talk about.

  • Michael Veliz 6 days ago

    For me personally, the main distinguishing features are the unique architecture, both new and old, and incredible nature

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