The reasons I went on Erasmus

I'm going to tell you the reasons why, it's all written here.

I was 15 years old when everything around me changed in a matter of minutes. I was blind then, it was as if I were in the middle of a dense sandstorm. I couldn't see beyond the land in front my eyes, and as time went on, the sandstorm obstructed my vision more and more. Paradoxically, the storm that blinded me then became the very thing that allowed me to see clearly. However, my eyes were still irritated and I thought that feeling would never go away.

I was scared, very scared, just like any boy this age would be. This feeling hung on a mental string for a long time. A rope with two ends, on one end was anxiety and disappointment, while on the other was passion, dreams. This dichotomous fight went on for a long time, it was a constant tug of war where there was no winner.

Some days, the negative end of the aforementioned string was weighed down by crushing reality. That's when I began to hear that life was simply, what it was, and that dreams were just dreams. The words acceptance and negativity start flying around everywhere. The vast majority of people help close the gap between these two ends by making one end want to surrender and accept the norm. I was a boy who often changed his outlook, a boy who had a lot of enthusiasm and passion for doing awesome things. However, this didn't keep these feelings away, he was just a normal boy after all.

I never let the rope slacken because of my pride and arrogance. Despite not understanding my new perception of the world, I knew it was the right outlook for me. A couple of years of pure psychological strain went by, and the side of the rope where hope hung was becoming weaker and weaker and starting to fray. But things began to change, I found a group of friends who became an integral part of my life and held very firmly on to that end of the rope. The days went by, and they kept pulling and pulling. I didn't notice at the time, but they had a firm grip and weren't letting go. Hardly anyone knows just how thankful I am to the people who were around me then, and those that are around me now.

We always seem to think that it's a matter of pulling the rope as hard as we can and we aren't all that wrong in thinking so. On the other hand, we'll always be burdened by something, whether it be people or circumstances. This makes us stronger every day. Life is sort of like a non-stop workout, and it spent over two years incessantly putting me through my paces. But this isn't the story I want to tell.

One day, when I was about16 years old, I woke up wanting to completely change the situation I was engulfed in. It was then that I decided to make a list of things I wanted to do while I was young. I made this list to convince myself that I could achieve everything I wanted, that life was more than just a place to be, that one day I would look back and be able to tell myself that I'd done it all, that I'd made all my dreams a reality. It has taken me more than 4 years to tell you this story, to tell you that our attitude can change everything.

10 things to do when you're young.

We all spend our lives watching films about motivation, love and personal ambitions. It's very easy to shout O Captain, My Captain! 10 minutes after hearing Robin Williams' wonderful speech at the "Dead Poets club". It's much easier to fight for your dreams and take risks when you've seen Will Smith “in search of happiness, ” or to go and work out the day after seeing Rocky on the TV.

What's not simple is living our own lives passionately, which is why we want to see others doing so, even if only for a few minutes. Life isn't simple, and achieving things we're excited about is even less so. But time keeps racing on. We're afraid to dream big in case we fail, we're afraid to have high hopes in case one day things no longer meet our expectations. Pulling hard on the rope is not always the most important thing. Sometimes, it's important to loosen your grip, look around you and ask for help. This doesn't makes us weak or "lesser-than". But we shouldn't pull the opposite end of the rope, that's not our job. Our job is to make the rope work for us.

Over time, I have crossed each and every thing off my list. I'm afraid I'll have to keep some of them to myself, but I will tell you about the 10 things that I think have changed my life over the past 4 years.

1. Attitude
2. Doing crazy teenage things (Bungee jumping, water skiing, getting a piercing... )
3. Studying my dream degree.
4. Completing a sporting challenge.
5. Not taking what I have for granted.
6. Changing the world.
7. Living abroad for more than 4 months.
8. Learning one or more languages.
9. Backpacking around Europe.
10. Being grateful.

1- Attitude.

During these four years, I started studying psychology.

Today, when I talk to a friend or family member, very often they'll mention some story about me when I was younger. I was always fighting and squabbling. You could say I made my parents' life really quite difficult. Those that knew me back then will know what I'm talking about. For those who didn't, imagine your typical stuck-up kid who always ended up squabbling about something or other.

A little while back, I was having a beer with my old Language and Literature teacher. Dr Juan Carlos, he told me that one day I went to his office. Once he let me in, I told him that life was shit and I was going to drop out of college and he couldn't convince me otherwise. A lot has happened since then, but we both laughed as we drank our beers and noticed how well everything had turned out.

When I started writing my list, there was one thing that was very clear. I wanted to change my life around, and so, I would need to change my attitude. I started to change the way I behaved and interacted with others little by little. I started taking on a humorous, positive outlook, and turning everything into some kind of game.

I divided things up according to my control field, things that I could have influence on. Without knowing it, I was making use of one of psychology's most simple and efficient concepts: The Locus of Control. If there was a bar that represented everything I could do to achieve my goals, my mission was to make sure that bar was filled right to the top. There was no point focussing on things I couldn't control, things I could think through over and over again but ultimately couldn't change at all. So I focussed on all of the things on my list. I grabbed hold of one end of my mental rope, pulled with all my might and started pulling everyday. I must admit that at first it was a lot harder, because I was pulling on my own. My muscles got tired of being in constant use, of having no time to relax for fear of being pulled to the other side. However, over time, the positive end of the rope became supported by amazing people, and so only minimal effort was needed to keep pulling.

If I had to sum up this point, I would say, be passionate about things. Work through everything that gets thrown at you to achieve your goals. If something is out of your hands, you won't resolve anything by focussing on it.

2 - Doing crazy teenage things (Bungee jumping, water skiing, getting a piercing... )

The things included in this part of my list I did little by little, so I almost didn't notice. I went skiing, water skiing, I jumped of a bridge whilst attached to a bungee rope twice (the jump itself was enough for me to pass one of my psychology modules), and I got a piercing which lasted less than 5 days. I've done thousands of crazy things, but I still have a lot more left to do.

3 - Studying my dream degree

You have hundreds of professions to choose from, some might need you to have GCSEs or A levels, while others may need you to get a undergraduate or masters degree. It's a project that will accompany you for the rest of your life. Even so, we are hesitant to pursue our passions.

What profession would you dedicate your life to if money was out of the question? I'm sure you've heard this type of question before. But at the same time, I'm sure people have spoken to you about the job market, salaries etc. It's not easy to consider all this and make a decision that you're not the least bit doubtful of. Even so, every day I become more certain I've taken the right path.

A psychology degree, despite becoming increasingly valuable, isn't one of those degrees that lands you a job straight away once you complete your studies. Thinking outside the realm of positive unrealism, I know perfectly well that my career journey won't be simple, but I will play as well as can given the hand I've been dealt. Now, I'm studying a degree I'm passionate about and will finish successfully, as well as two languages (Italian and English) that are coming along nicely. There's so much more to mention, but I'll write about them separately. Dear 16-year-old me, you've chosen well. You have everything you dreamt of in the palm of your hand. As for you, 24-year-old Luis, I hope you continue with the same enthusiasm that you had when you were 20, with the same hunger to devour all the challenges that come your way.

Society forces us to study, work and die. If you manage to get them to pay you for something you'd do for free anyway, you are living your life in the best way possible. I think this is a something crucial that people need to consider.

4 - Changing the world.

I've always been nonconformist when it comes to social inequalities, whether political or ethical. When I was 16, I had a republican badge on my rucksack, the flag in my bedroom and a desire to change the world. Maybe it was prudence was the only thing that changed me, because it isn't easy to control all the variables that can crop up in this disorderly chaos. Will Smith said something in one of his interviews that sums up what I think really well: "If you're going to be here, then there's a need to make a difference. I want the world to be better because I was in it. We act as if our own life will fall apart if we make someone else's better.

When we talk of changing the world, we all picture something that makes a global impact which revolutionises even the most insignificant things. I think we need to change the most insignificant things to make a global impact that changes the world.

I'm sure most of you classed me as crazy as soon as you read the title of this section. Firstly, though I may well be classified as crazy, it's for other reasons than this. However, this section is much more than what you probably think it is.

When we're born, we have an amazing power, a power to change things. Every second of your life provides the opportunity to change something for the better. Whether it's helping a friend, giving a compliment, giving a hug, being cheerful etc. We don't become aware of the power our actions have, of how important it might be for us to act one way or another.

One day, I was in college and they constantly spoke to us about empathy. The theory of I-don't-know-what, the effect of I-don't-know-who... it all seemed quite cold. That day I decided to skip university and go to the town centre. I went on my own with about 15 euros in my pocket, and I gave a coffee and a cupcake to all the homeless people I came across on the main street. You can't begin to imagine the smile on the face of one of the first people I gave a coffee to, and his dog, Rayo. You have no idea how different it all would have been if I had stayed in class that day or had a change of plans.

There are thousands of moments where we can change the world, we don't need that many, it's not that hard. I want the world to be better for having me in it.

5. Sport.

I have always loved sport. Since I was really young, I did all sorts of sports: football, tennis, swimming, ping pong, taekwondo... the one thing I didn't do was sit still.

Like any boy this age, I dreamed of being a professional footballer. I went shopping with my mum while kicking a ball, I played it in the park, on the pavement, in the pavillion... I would have slept with my ball next to me if my mum hadn't of thought it was a bad idea: "Do you know how many germs and bacteria that will have on it?" There's no way you're sleeping with that ball. "

Aside from my love of sport, I was very good at everything related to it. I can remember a athletics competition that my college always took part in which took place every year. One of them competed in three different disciplines; 100 metre sprint, 1200 metre long distance and the 4 X 100 relay race. I remember winning every single one, I was first in Murcia for the 100m sprint, first for long distance, and a place on the podium for the relay race. I can still remember proudly walking around the university's Espinardo campus with all these medals.

I also can't forget the following year, the year when I stopped doing sports, yet still thought I was more gifted than anyone else still training. I remember, in the moments leading up to the 1200 long-distance race, some of the guys who'd competed the previous year pointed at me and said "that's who won last year". Being as insolent as I was, it went to my head. This inflated sense-of-self was short lived, however, when I started running and noticed that I was lagging behind the guy in lead position quite considerably. I carried on racing, giving it everything I had, even though my body wouldn't even let me breathe properly. The final result? Eighth place. It reminded me that I wasn't in shape, that I had thrown my talents away because of my bad habbits.

When I finished the race, I sat on the track watching the organiser call up first, second and third place. "I should have been there" I thought.

Athleticism wasn't my only strength. Like I've already said, I dreamed of being a professional footballer. I trained in my local football team in town, and to my surprise, I soon started reaping the rewards. I was in the top two goal scorers in the league, our team was also pushing for the next spot in the league table. In the middle of the season I remember seeing my coach with a sheet of paper in his hand. He that told me that I'd been asked to play for the Murcia Futsal team, and training started the following week in Santo Angel (La Alberca).

My ego was through the roof and impossible to reign back in, just as it was in the athletics competition. I went to this training session, where I met players who played for Pozo de Murcia in my category. So that you can get an idea, it was as if I'd started training with the Madrid football team. The training was fantastic, but the team had been formed a while back and so I was put in the second division, so I wasn't in the next call. This happened again the following year, but in the end I stopped doing sport for over two years.

When I wrote my list, I started doing Futsal again. I had lost my abilities, my team mates hadn't stopped training during this time, and I regretted taking time out. To my surprise, I was called back for the selection twice, and was given a "best player" trophy in one of the tournaments.

I won't deny that my athletics challenge was to rget back on the podium, but I haven't managed to do it again yet. My mother will remember how I used to get up at 6:30 in the morning to go jogging on the days where I had class. I thought it would be easy, but it wasn't. I put a lot of effort into my town's 11 km race, but I've never manage to place any higher than fourth in my category. This is followed by another fourth place in the Alhama de Murcia 27km trail and a finish line that I would reach one way or another.

Sport had been my life, and I'd left it all behind. But I came back to it. I've completed two 53km runs across the mountains, and I'm starting out my studies in sport psychology. So, I think I deserve to cross this point off my list.

6. Not taking what you have for granted.

This is one of the most important things I've learnt in my life. People are ambitious, we constantly want more, we want better, which is no bad thing. Even so, it's important to not overlook what we already have.

If we were to get two notebooks, and write things we we have and love in one, and things we would love but don't quite have yet in the other, we would spend all day furiously looking at the second list.

I have people and things in my live that I've never dreamed of having. When I was 15, when it felt like everything was getting on top of me, I still had an amazing family who cared for me despite the stupid stuff I did and inexplainable behaviour. But I couldn't see beyond that.

It's so important to value this, something I promised myself I would never forget. I don't want to forget it either, when you look at your list of things to achieve, only give it a quick glance and keep it in perspective. You should also remember your notebook with the list of things you have, your family, friends etc, and read it everyday just to remind yourself that you're more fortunate than you might think.

I've tried to do it every day of my life, I also decided I'd tried to show it on various occasions.

When I ran the two fortresses route (53km around the mountain). I wore a shirt which you could put prints on the back of. I put all the names of the people in my friendship group on there and so while I running I thought about them the whole time. In this way, they helped me without knowing it, and now they're one of the foundational pillars of my life.

When I did a 27km run around the Alhama de Murcia mountain, my shirt had number 1 and dad written on the back. I don't think it was a coincidence that I received this number that day, somethings just aren't coincidence, my dad deserved the best of tributes and somebody knew it. We had learnt and bettered ourselves together, climbed up mountains and back down again, and there he was, waiting for me at the finish line cheering me on. Things are not always coincidence, sometimes someone's impatiently waiting for you at the finish line, giving you unseen encouragement and support, wishing you on all the way to the end. But you can't see it because you're running, but he's thinking about you. My number one, he's given me everything I needed to reach the finish line I set for myself, I always carry him in my heart.

The angel of my life was born on the 5th of November, and I was in Milan when she turned 50. I would have loved to gave bought her the finest diamonds, the most expensive bag in the whole of Milan, but there was a problem... Nothing seemed good enough for her, no object even came close. She was the best diamond in Milan, the most striking sculpture. I made a poster and went to the centre to wish her a happy birthday again. To wish her a special day, to remind her that I was always going to be with her.

I brought Gigione to Milan with me. Gigione is a soft toy that my best friend gave me as a present when I was younger. Every time I visit a new city I buy a new badge to put on him. He's been through Milan, Switzerland, France, Germany and many other countries. I always remember what I have, the things that have never let me down, my friends and family.

7. Living away from home for 4 months.

Here comes the real reason I decided to go on Erasmus. I must admit, the day I put this on my list I wasn't all that convinced I would ever cross it off.

By the time I was 20, I had spent 6 months in Milan, one of the most important cities in Europe and I did it completely on my own.

It was difficult to do it financially. I had to do a lot of work behind the scenes that hasn't been seen, nor will it be seen. Sleepless nights thinking about how I could earn the money I needed from sources that were out of my control. Stressfully running around Murcia without achieving any results. Hundreds of thousands of thoughts, asking myself if it's worth the hassle. I've got to say now that it was totally worth it.

I arrived at Milan totally on my own. I didn't know anyone, I came from a tiny town in Murcia which had 34,469 inhabitants where there was no bus service or metro. I want to give you a brief idea of how big of a change this was to my life. My first day in this city with more than 1,345,000 inhabitants, a new language, metros, buses, taxis... totally on my own.

I have to say that this experience ha changed my life, not only from the time I was actually there, but from the very moment I decided to go. I've learnt that it was worth living passionately, because only it that way will things get better. I've learnt to value everything I have everyday, that life is by no means simple, but that doesn't mean we have to settle. I have learnt that going against the grain isn't all that bad. I've learnt that 16-year-old me's unrealistic enthusiasm has lead me to experience things I never would have if I hadn't of dreamt of them first. I have learnt so much that I wish I could convey it to even half of the people around me. But this knowledge is mine, etched in my memory, running through my head every day.

Imagine that 16-year-old kid, writing down on his list that he wanted to live in Milan for 6 months. Life isn't so simple, kid. You have to study, work, you know how society works. You can't skip over all of this and leave just because you want to travel, to learn a new language, you can't. Where are you gonna get the money from? Are you rich? We have to accept what we have, things are what things are.

Yes, things aren't easy, more so, it's shit sometimes. Society is a river meandering through the land, allowing us to do everything it tells us to do without getting into rough water. But the best paths are the ones that need you to raft, we are society. I can't imagine living without thinking something good and different is going to happen. If my path is already set out, one that "must be", I would drown myself in the river.

To reference my favorite artist C. tangana. I'll tell you that if you put your mind to it you can do whatever you want. I think the problem is that people don't like things, so they don't want for them. If you truly want something, it doesn't feel like you want it, instead you feel like you're looking for it. When you're thirsty, you look for water, you don't think about wanting it. You get up and get it. People might want something one day, but they don't put this thing in their heads. Once the thing is in their head, they get it done.

Live in Milan for 6 months? Crossed off.

8. Learn one or more languages.

Being able to communicate with people is crucial. Learning languages is a way of getting to know people, thousands of different places, reading books that others can't read, watching films etc.

I've always been stubborn, I didn't want to learn a language locked in a classroom. I felt ridiculous when I listening to a listening exam or doing an oral exam. If I was surrounded by the language day to day, I would learn a lot more, I would enjoy a lot more I had to go abroad! here's how I added this to my list.

When I got to Milan, I had language classes all the time. An English class while I was out drinking beer, an Italian class while I was having a coffee, sign language when neither of the other two worked. I had this clear and so that's what I did. Now I can say that I speak a decent Italian, and I am in the process of speaking decent English (though this is further away).

It wasn't at all easy to begin with, I couldn't communicate with anyone. One day in Sempione Park where everyone understood each other except me. The day I met Lorenzo and had dinner with him without even knowing how to express myself. None of this was easy, but if it had een, I wouldn't be where I am today.

Learn a language abroad? Crossed off.

9 - Backpacking around Europe

Sit back, get comfortable and imagine that 16-year-old boy again.

- I would love to travel around Europe with people from all over the world.

- Yeah, but this won't happen.

- Why not?

- Because it's so difficult to do. You have to study and work.

- Well, I don't know, it would be really cool though.

- Where would you get the money from?

- Well...

- Better forget about it, society doesn't work that way.

That 16-year-old boy has been living in Milan. He's traveled around Naples, Rome and Pompeii with a German, a Turkish girl and a Slovenian. He's traveled around Lyon with an Indian and a Mexican. He went to Zurich with a group of Spaniards and went through the world's largest beer festival in Münich with a Portuguese, a Turkish, an Italian and many more people from all the countries in Europe.

I want you to look back at that 16-year-old boy who had all the enthusiasm in the world, and tell him that all this is impossible. That he'll never be able to achieve any of this, that he should forget about it and accept life for what it is, that his dreams are unrealistic. Of course there are things that are impossible. It's very important to be able to detect them and not obsess over them. But many of the things we don't do are not actually impossible. Many of the things we don't do, we don't do simply because we don't want it enough. If you really want something you have to go for it. If you don't get it you'll have time to go back, think about it and learn, but never lose your enthusiasm.

10-Thank you.

That concludes my list, and so finishes one era and another begins. They say that a photo speaks 1000 words. I've left you 172 pictures throughout my erasmus experience with just one message, thank you.

Happy Father's day.

Photo gallery