Uzbek weddings

What happens at an Uzbek wedding?

I love weddings especially Uzbek weddings! Between the years of 2014 to 2017, I must have attended about twenty weddings in Uzbekistan! In this blog post, I will write about the typical Uzbek wedding and the customs tied to the event. My experiences are from the weddings of relatives, friends, and former coworkers.

I’m originally from Uzbekistan but I grew up in the United States so when I moved back to Uzbekistan in 2014, one of the things I was excited about was weddings. I was looking forward to the food, customs, traditions, and all that that entails an Uzbek wedding. This occasion incorporates sacred religious rituals, traditional practices and lately, Uzbeks have also begun to integrate western customs into their own observances as well. I had the opportunity to witness fancy weddings in the capital and regions, and simple ones in the villages. Both were equally fun and entertaining in their own right.

Since Uzbekistan is a predominantly Muslim country, many assume that Uzbek weddings are sex-segregated, or the marriages are arranged and the groom and bride have never met, etc. Although some percentage of the weddings are still somewhat arranged today, a majority of them are love marriages. Usually, a boy and a girl are set up through family or friends and from there, it is completely their decision whether to pursue a marriage or not. And this decision is usually finalized on the second or third date with a cake, ring, and some other gifts from the groom. They do not go on multiple dates to see if they mesh well -- their destiny is decided within those few meetings. Oftentimes, the female is anywhere between 19 to 25 years old, and the male is between 22 to 28. Girls above the age of their mid-twenties are considered old maids, which can be deemed derogatory. However, I have heard this expression used on numerous occasions in reference to girls who have not been married yet and I think it is a very hurtful thing to say and just plain mean. I have never heard anyone use a similar kind of phrase for older unmarried males. Unfortunately, this speaks to the two sets of rules for men and women in Uzbek society.

Marriages are very important to the Uzbek people, in similar how individuality and independence are important to Americans and westerners. While getting married is important, dating before marriage is highly looked down upon in the Uzbek culture. However, this doesn’t stop many of the young generations from dating. Just like in Western cultures, I witnessed many of my middle school, high school and university students forming close bonds with the opposite sex and getting into relationships. However, these young couples do try to be more discreet about their love life probably for fear of getting into trouble with their parents or of others gossiping about their disapproved relationships. In the West, many parents are usually aware of their teenage child’s boyfriends or girlfriends but this is a rare occasion for Uzbek families who restrict their children from dating. Girls usually face stronger restrictions and reprimands as opposed to boys. The double standard definitely exists in the Uzbek dating culture.

There are a lot of implicit and explicit rules girls and boys need to follow when in love relationships otherwise, they could get into a lot of trouble. For instance, virginity is a big deal for brides. A girl is expected to be a virgin when she gets married therefore many Uzbek girls do not engage in any form of sexual relationships before marriage. However, to my knowledge, there are plenty of girls who have had sex before marriage and are forced to get a secret hymen reconstruction, which is to prove they are virgins to their future husbands and their families. The newlyweds are expected to consummate the marriage on a white piece of cloth with blood. If this sounds appalling to you, you are not the only one, I find it abhorrent. This is such an outdated practice that needs to stop. I believe the people who encourage these practices need to be educated. Especially about how a hymen can be broken in other ways such as horse riding, cliff jumping, etc. Hopefully, this practice will eventually die out and Uzbek men will move their focus to more important things instead of fixating on this one fact. I have heard of times when marriages have fallen apart because the girl did not bleed on her wedding night and I find this very upsetting. Virginity should be between the woman and her husband alone, why involve the families?! It is important to mention that this practice is not carried out by everyone and that there are some who detest this outdated practice and refuse to take part in it. Originally, I was not planning on including this bit about Uzbek weddings but I do want to keep it real and give you my full experience so I decided to write about it. Anyways, onto more positive aspects...

If marriages are important, I am sure you can get an idea how much family means to the average Uzbek. Weddings bring all family members together and this is what I love the most about them. I have extended family in Uzbekistan so it is nice to see family members I have not seen in years. I also get very excited to meet some who I have never met before! Everyone is festive and in a jolly mood so it is nice to feel the positive vibrations all around!

Weddings are also usually quite grand. Many families save up for years to have the weddings of their dreams for their children. Especially if it is an only son then you can expect the family to go all out. I attended a fair amount of weddings in the villages as well and even though the family may not be that well off, they will still try to host the biggest wedding they can. They will try to borrow money from other family members or friends, or they will try to take out loans from the bank in order to make this happen. It is insane to see the measures these people will take and the distances they will go in order to have the wedding of their dreams. For some, this is probably absurd. I guess there are two different types of mindsets when it comes to situations like this: you spend a lot because a wedding is a once in a lifetime event or you feel it is unnecessary to spend all that money because a wedding is a one- night event that will eventually be forgotten. In the years before, Uzbek weddings used to be held in the groom’s home, however, customs have changed in modern day Uzbekistan. Home- weddings have diminished over the years, and more and more families are hosting weddings in special venues.

As you can already guess, the wedding business is huge in this Central Asian country. There are numerous wedding halls (some are grand and glamorous while others are small and ordinary and then, you also have your average ones as well). When it comes to decorations, I have noticed all the halls pretty much follow a similar pattern in the way they decorate and set up the venue. A wedding hall’s entrance is usually beautifully decorated, and special attention is given to the bride and groom’s seating area, which needs to be over the top and stand out from all the other tables.

There is a photo zone, which is super popular among the guests especially the younger generation. Friends and family take pictures in front of a life-size photo of the newlyweds and then this picture is posted on Instagram and Facebook with a wedding hashtag. I mean come on, pictures or it didn't happen, right?! So this bit is quite western and very similar to what the rest of the modern world is doing at weddings nowadays.

The entertainment consists of a host and a hostess, who are usually famous journalists or actors. There are 3-5 famous Uzbek singers who stop by and sing about five songs, and here is the scandalous part - it is usually lip-synced. However, nowadays a few well- known singers are attempting to sing live at weddings. It is just absurd because these families pay a great deal of money for these artists to show up. The cost of these singers’ services ranges anywhere between $300 to $2000. And here’s the bizarre part, the average salary in Uzbekistan is roughly around $200. I hope these numbers give you some perspective.

Unlike the United States (where the bride is responsible for a majority of the wedding expenses), and I am not too familiar with European and other parts of the world but in Uzbekistan, it is usually the responsibility of the groom and his family to pay for all the wedding- related fees. This includes the food, entertainment, photography/videography, wedding dress, etc. You get the picture, anything wedding-related is on the groom! You are probably thinking how lucky is the bride! Well, actually the bride has her share of expenses too. She is in charge of providing all the furnishing. The groom's side of the family provides a place for the newlyweds to live and it can either be an apartment or a couple of rooms from the family house. The latter is very common. Like many eastern cultures, it is very normal for the young married couple to be living with the parents and the family of the groom. The parents grow old in this home and the son and daughter in law are expected to take care of them until the parents pass away. So, the furnishing is on the bride’s family which includes all the furniture such as a bed, nightstand, closet, air conditioning, etc. You get the picture! Literal empty spaces are given and the bride’s family has to fill it all up and decorate it with everything from the curtains to the bed sheets to the toothbrushes.

Now I would like to walk you through what happens on the day of the wedding. I also want to share the experiences I have had at weddings and why I enjoy them very much and find them eventful!

The morning of the wedding day starts out with the father of the bride hosting males from both sides of the family at a wedding hall. The men are not just family members; they can also be coworkers, friends, classmates, employers, etc. He hosts 200- 400 men and greets them with plov, which is the national dish of the country. The father and his close friends and family usually stand by the entrance and greet the guests, and the guests make their way inside the restaurant and help themselves to a serving of plov. This national dish is a very heavy high-calorie food so it always baffles me how these men can consume such an oleaginous meal so early in the morning (5-7 AM).

Meanwhile back home, both the bride and groom start to get ready in their own houses. The bride usually goes to a professional wedding makeup artist and an experienced hairstylist, which can be quite costly. In the Tashkent, the capital, it can average anywhere between $50 to $200. Now in the West, this price is the normative if not, very affordable, but you have to keep in mind that Uzbekistan is a developing country where the GDP is not equivalent to that of the U. S. A. or any other first world country. Therefore, this is pretty costly for the average Uzbek but with that being said, many will pay the price. Again, with the "once in a lifetime event" mentality.

The groom sends a videographer and a photographer over to the bride’s home so she can be captured getting ready, hanging out with her friends and family. Some well-off families also hire their own photographers to not be dependant on the groom’s side. Both parties have intense photoshoots in their homes. Afterwards, the groom arrives at the home of the bride with his friends in 5-10 luxurious rental cars (such as Mercedes, Rolls Royce, Maybach, etc. ). Once at the bride’s house, the groom and groomsmen are treated to a nice meal, which usually contains plov and other foods. Alcohol can be served at this time but the friends nor the groom really drink (of course, there are exceptions) but it is usually saved for the evening celebration. To add onto that, neither the groom nor the bride is allowed to have any form of alcohol during the wedding day.

While the groom and the groomsmen are feasting, the bride is in a neighbouring room having a photo shoot with her family and friends. After an hour or so, the groom and the bride see each other for the first time and more pictures and videos are taken. At the same time, there is usually a group of Uzbek performers playing the traditional instruments in the courtyard of the house.

After the mini photo session has finished, they slowly walk out to the car and this part can be very emotional for the bride's side of the family. The bride says goodbye and gives farewell hugs to the close male figures of her family. It is very moving to see the macho men break down. The reason why brides cry when saying goodbye is that they are leaving their home, all their childhood memories, and the people they have lived with since they were born. I believe this tradition if we can call it that, started out back in the day, when married women could not see or talk with their immediate families for months on end. However nowadays, with advanced technology and the developing world, married women can keep in touch with their families and visit whenever they want but nonetheless, I think this it is still an emotional moment for many other obvious reasons.

Once the bride has said her farewells to her family members (just tradition, she will see them again for the evening celebration), the couple and friends get into their luxurious cars and head on over to either an exotic garden or an extravagant estate for the exchange of rings, the pronouncement of marriage before an official of the Law and more pictures!

This small occasion is usually for the younger generation so the witnesses are usually just a group of close friends, cousins, siblings, etc. Since many Uzbeks are Muslims, they also have a Nikah ceremony, which is a small religious marriage ritual where the bride and groom demonstrate their free will and consent to the marriage. This small ceremony usually takes place in a private room with an Imam (an Islamic religious leader), an elder, and a representative for each of the bride and groom. And, the Nikah can happen a day or a week prior to the wedding or on the same day as the wedding; it really depends on the families.

The wedding ceremony usually begins around 18:00 - 19:00 (6-7 p. m. ). An important thing to note: an Uzbek wedding never begins on time, this is something I have learned from attending numerous weddings! Either the guests are running late and sometimes, the newlyweds themselves are still having photoshoots after the exchange of rings, so the wedding has to be delayed and the guests just sit and wait. I remember attending a wedding that started at 20:30 (8:30 p. m. )! How crazy is that!

Weddings are the biggest source of fun and entertainment for many Uzbek people. For some Uzbeks, especially in the villages, it is their only source of entertainment. This is usually their chance to dress up, dance, eat, mingle, and sometimes, meet potential partners or a potential daughters-in-law/ sons-in-law! I knew a woman who found a wife for her son at a wedding. She observed this girl all night long and did some research through friends of friends, and went to her home and asked for her hand in marriage on behalf of her son. To my knowledge, they are happily married today with an adorable daughter! It is nice to hear success stories as such. Goes out to prove set-ups can truly work!

My favourite parts of an Uzbek wedding

My five favourite parts of an Uzbek wedding would to be:

1. The entertainment: At the beginning of most weddings, traditional dancers put on a number of dances to warm up the floor/guests. These dances can also be western and Arabic. I love watching them as they gracefully move across the floor. Their outfits are gorgeous as well. The music is another aspect of the entertainment that I truly love! I’m not a fan of the lip-syncing but you kind of forget about all of that when you are too busy dancing and enjoying yourself.



2. The food: Regardless of whether it is a grand wedding in the best hall in Tashkent or a simple wedding in the village, you can expect to have delicious food! There are usually tables set up for 8- 16 people for a total of 300-400 people. And each table is set up with an abundant amount of food such as salads, fish, cold cuts, cheese, fruit, nuts, etc. In addition to all that, there are two to three courses of meals such as a bowl of soup and some sort of meat dish. In the end, dessert is also served and this is usually scooped ice cream or a piece of cake. And by the way, customer service at weddings is amazing! You constantly have your drink refilled. Alcohol is served as well, with men consuming almost 90% of it.







3. Dressing- up: Uzbek weddings are a chance to go all out. There is no way you can be overdressed. I remember the first wedding I attended and I had done my own makeup and hair and was wearing a simple spring ASOS chiffon dress. I felt very plain next to all these women who were dressed to the nines! The women go to the salons to get their hairs blown out and get fancy updo's. Their make-ups are perfectly done to a T. It is mind-blowing! Without a doubt, I wore more makeup while living in Uzbekistan than my entire life. The Uzbek women believe in always looking after themselves and investing in their appearance. It is unquestionably impressive to see these strong, hard-working women with families of two to three children and still look amazing!





A couple of the dresses I wore to weddings!

4. Traditions/customs: I can understand why some people despise traditions and are annoyed by them. However, I love some of the Uzbek wedding customs (definitely not all like the deplorable one I mentioned above)! I think it is what sets it apart from other weddings around the world and it is beautiful to see some families upkeep these practices. For instance, when the newlyweds enter the wedding hall, there is a special song that is performed to welcome them and it is such a beautiful moment. Another particular tradition is when the bride greets her father-in-law and mother-in-law and the rest of the guests with three bows!
5. Last but not least, the dancing: This would have to be the best part of the night! Nothing beats getting loose on the dance floor with your favorite people. You do not even need to be inebriated in order to get rowdy! The dance floor gets very crowded and everyone is just enjoying themselves.

An Uzbek wedding is also similar to its western counterparts in that it also has a waltz (slow dance), toasts, and cutting the cake ceremony. Some newer components are the concept of bridesmaids and groomsmen, toss of the bridal bouquet, flash mob dances, and "Love Story" videos (a short clip showing how the couple met or shots of fancy photoshoots).

All in all, the Uzbek wedding is undoubtedly an incredible experience! Many have strong opinions on some aspects of the ceremony but I think overall, the main impetus of this beautiful night is to celebrate the newlyweds and the union of their families and that is what I truly enjoy about this occasion.

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