Culture Shock in Karlstad

Confusion and anxiety in an unfamiliar environment, disorientation because of being suddenly in the middle of an unfamiliar culture, a way of life, and an entirely different set of attitudes, that is how culture shock is often described.

The question is will I become an adjusted bicultural person... am I here long enough to do this?

It is said that the onset can be delayed, that the lag time is often the ‘honeymoon period’ when all is new. Landscapes are beautiful, cold temperatures are novel (at least for me) and different people are interesting and a conduit into the new culture.

It is only later that you realise that cold temperatures mean multiple layers that have to be peeled off in heated buildings and that snow is not even probable until January... maybe December. Landscapes are just that, most of them inaccessible or same, same. One lake after another. You have to shake yourself to remember that you are in a stunningly beautiful country – I force myself not to bury my nose in my phone as the landscape whirls past outside the bus, the train, the ferry.

Image: Seats free on the bus but people still choose to stand...

I used to greet everybody, ask them how their day was, try to engage them in conversation. If I were to be asked what characteristics I value about myself, I would say my openness, my ability to talk to anyone, and my positivity in believing that everybody else also wants to talk. I don’t want that to change. I won’t let that change. But I have days when I come home wondering if the effort is slowly burying me alive. I came here not knowing anybody, not knowing or understanding the culture or the customs that can be deconstructed from that culture. I’ve never worried about how I should behave, what is expected of me... I normally go hurtling full bore into social situations ready to find my feet after only a slight stumble, a few smiles, and... a cup of tea. But here in Sweden it is different. There are unspoken social rules that yes I break, but I’m not sure for what reason because there is seldom any come back.

Don’t sit next to someone on the bus if there are ‘alone’ seats available. I make sure I sit next to someone.

Don’t engage random people in conversation. I do that wherever I can.

Don’t wave at people from the car or the bus. I do that but seldom get a wave back.

Image: Waiting at the bus stop. Sometimes there can be seven or eight people in this formation. No small talk, no smiles, and usually headphones!

The website ‘Expat Arrivals’ describes Swedes as being a mixture between serious and reserved, introverted to the point of appearing unfriendly and reticent. In turn, we, the visitor, perceive this as coldness and a desire to not have social interactions. Small talk never really happens and as for spontaneous laughter... sorry what is that?

There are definitely days when I have come home exhausted from social angst.

But don’t be judgemental because I have learnt a few things. Swede's believe fully in minding one's own business and to do this they practice emotional detachment but this is not to be rude, this is rather for the consideration and respect of the other person's personal space. If you know and understand this before you arrive in Sweden and are able to take this without offense then getting by will be easy (if not bewildering) and after living amongst it for a while it will become normal for you too.

Image: Sometimes you feel that your neighbour is disinterested and rude... but they are not!

I guess I had not had any instruction in this and did not know the tripping wires. Nguse, my stalwart friend, has coached me through this roller-coaster ride so far. He came from Eritrea five years ago and is soon to get his Swedish citizenship. It sounds like a cliché to say ‘roller-coaster’ but it really is that sort of ride. Sometimes I am on a high because I have made a possible breakthrough in finding friends in this country where private space is respected to the point of possible insult. Other times I am on a low, like when I walked through the canteen of the university, a university of 16,000 students and I had no one to share lunch with because Nguse was not there.

And I had it easy, let’s be honest I am pretty forceful when I want someone to engage with me. If I was struggling then how were the more shy, the less bossy, the more introverted people coping? Nguse told me that they too were on that roller coaster ride, there were just more ups and more downs.

I decided to interview some of my new friends to see what they felt about culture shock...

Three Interviewees, Three Questions Each:

From India we have.... Annamalai.

What two things do you love about Sweden? I'm was a new Dad not so long ago and the parental benefits and holiday here are great. In India, I would not have been able to take that much time off. I think also in Sweden the work-life balance is very good, we are not expected to work many hours of overtime.

If you could change one thing about the Swedish culture, what would it be? I really feel that people here give too much importance to materialistic things and that they forget about other people. If they could balance that Sweden would be an almost perfect country.

If a group of people arrived in Sweden from India, what advice would you give them in regards to culture shock? The ownership of expensive smartphones by small kids is quite normal here.

From Syria we have... Khaled.

How do young people in Syria behave differently from people in Sweden? In Sweden there are no high walls around the schools, the very young children can play, spend their energy and simply be children whereas in Syria I feel they were not playing but being 'control played' somehow. The younger adults have freedom of life and choices that give them the ability for a unique future but in other respects, we had a spontaneous social life in Syria that I do not feel exists here. In Syria you would not pre-organise social meetings, you would simply walk into town and see a friend here having a coffee and you would join him, a friend there walking a street and you would walk with him. I miss that spontaneity.

What parts of the Swedish culture do you admire and why? Liberty and democracy. These are in fact the pillars of Swedish society but sadly I feel that they are not admired for what they really mean. I have come from a country where these two values are, at times, non-existent and in Sweden, I sometimes have to shake myself to remember that these pillars exist.

Did you, or have you experienced culture shock here, and how? I think for me the ability to wander about with nobody watching what you were doing was the biggest shock of all. Supermarkets so full of items that it was hard to remember what it was you came for and the ability to have tome alone.

From Canada we have... Fareeza.

Have you ever been in a situation where you felt you had to "do as the Romans do"? I have definitely become more reserved after moving to Sweden. I don’t ask people I have just met to come over and hang out because apparently, that’s a big no-no here in Sweden. I used to be a lot more outgoing before but I felt like that wasn’t working out very well for me here.

If you could choose three aspects of the Swedish culture to put in a "time capsule" for future generations to look back on and learn from, what would they be? A) The concept of Fika. I think it’s a wonderful thing. The Swedes take this extremely seriously, especially when they’re at work. B) Lining up. I used to laugh at this before but I really appreciate the order it brings. I can’t imagine going somewhere (either to a shop or even the hospital) and not lining up now C) Being outdoorsy. This is something I really appreciate about the Swedes or most Swedes. They love being out in nature and doing activities together outside like camping or hiking. I truly believe it’s a cultural thing. I used to live in the suburbs in Canada so seeing outdoorsy people wasn’t a very common thing.

What do you like most about being a foreigner in Sweden? I can’t really think of any solid benefits of being a foreigner in Sweden but I absolutely love living here. I think Swedes are really nice to you when you tell them you’re from another country. They are interested to know about your life and they always have a lot of questions.

In doing these interviews I was reminded that there were two other aspects of the Swedish culture that I found bizarre but ones that I was slipping into easily (but not necessarily happy with myself for doing so)! The first of these was ' booking appointments' to see your friends. It was that spontaneity that Khaled spoke about. I never randomly bumped into them, never, on impulse, dropped by their houses for a cuppa... this was simply not done (nor was getting to know your neighbours... or your housemate for that matter). I found myself busy with work and university and without knowing it I was booking appointments readily!

The second of these was the silent no finger that seemed to be wagged in the faces of those who wanted to cross overwork and private life. You know, ask a workmate that you seem to get on well with over fo dinner, go out on an evening with a friend from work, be invited out with a workmate's friends so as you can meet people when you are green and new in town. Oh No! That is simply not done. See a workmate in town? A quick nod in their direction will suffice. See someone who you get on really well with at work? A quick Hej, Hej! will do. No more. No less.

And so I conclude that although Sweden has some incredible parts to it (mushroom and berry picking, second hand, liberty, and democracy) the general rule of thumb was 'tone yourself down, don't speak too much, be invisible... a part of the masses!'

So the take-home message is don't worry if people do not talk to you, they are not being rude only regarding personal space. Don't worry if there are not so many smiles, that is normal too... and so I continue trying!

Just a note: it is incredibly hard to get photos of culture shock so please revisit this site to see how I'm doing!

Tips for Erasmus students

• The main Facebook site to use when finding a room in Karlstad Lediga lägenheter i Karlstad
• These three books may be worth a read before you arrive in Sweden:
• Sweden - Culture Smart! The Essential Guide to Customs & Culture
• Scandinavians: In Search of the Soul of the North
• The Almost Nearly Perfect People

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