The Hardest Part - Saying Goodbye

Tetris in the Car

And after that wonderful weekend that had passed much to fast, I had to think about my luggage finally. I only had two days left to pack everything and bring it into my car somehow. When I had come to France in January I already had had some problems to make everything fit and 80 percent of my small Golf had been filled with all kind of things. This time I didn't have things like shampoo or cleaning stuff, but I had bought a printer and a new laptop and things like that, so I was a bit afraid of the space. I know that sounds a bit like luxury problems - flying home would have never been possible with all those things, but therefore, I had come by car and not by plane. So I passed almost the whole monday morning and afternoon with organising my things, packing some bags and dividing everything into "Still need it" and "Don't need it anymore". I brought some of the things I didn't need anymore downstairs and started to fill my car. It was a bit like Tetris, I had to take care that heavy things are under the lighter things and that things like my suitcase that I would bring down the last day would still have some space. Furthermore I had to be sure that nothing would hit my head during the time I was driving back to Germany. It was annoying to bring the things down (almost more annoying than when I had brought them upstairs on my first and second day) because I couldn't use the elevator and had to walk down three floors, open the door by pressing a button (with everything in my hands), unlock my car, open the cargo bay and put the things in there. I did that several times until I had brought maybe half of my things to the car. Then I didn't want anymore and started to watch some series in my bed. I felt like I would have been running before - stairs are incredibly exhausting! I passed the rest of the day in my bed, watching series, reading my book and organising the remaining things in my head. 

Evening Routine with the Boyfriend

In the (late) evening it was the same as always - my boyfriend sent me a message and I went to his laboratory to pick him up. We didn't want to buy a kebab as we almost always did, so we went to the supermarket next to my faculty and while I was waiting in the car, my boyfriend entered and bought something to eat. I couldn't see what he was buying but it took ages and they were already about to close. Furthermore, I had stopped right next to the door, a place that was usually reserved for buses, so I hoped that he would come back soon. I didn't like parking in forbidden places at all (and of course he knew that). After a while he came back with a plastic bag full of frozen pizza, yogurt and some fruits as far as I could see while I was hurrying up to leave the bus stop with the car. We arrived at the student's residency and prepared the frozen pizzas in my small oven. While we were waiting for the food we did his English homework and watched a bit TV, but the only thing I could think about was that there was only one more evening left for us. I would miss all that (even if it wasn't a lot, just eating and watching TV) so much and I wasn't sure if I would be able to continue a long-distance relationship, but I wanted to try it. We had dinner and as always the evening ended much too early, it felt like 10 minutes, not 4 hours. 

The last Lunch

The next morning he had to go to work at 9am, so we took the car to the city centre and had a short breakfast in a small park next to the Cirque de Jules Verne. It was more romantic than one might think with things from the supermarket, but it was the person who counted, not the price of the breakfast. But after a while he had to get to work anyway, so I brought him there and returned to the residency to pack more things. He asked me to come back to the city centre to have lunch in the student's restaurant with him one last time, and I was very happy about that question. We had met there several times, but it was always a bit complicated to make an appointment with him. So after I had brought some more things to the car I took the bus to my faculty and waited for him in front of the restaurant. Even if we knew each other already for a while (about five months) I was still excited when I was waiting for him and incredibly happy when I saw him. Sometimes I felt like a teenie girl who is in love for the first time. We had lunch and talked about our last evening in France.

Plans for the evening and for the future

He was still asking me (in a very sad way) why I had to leave and if it wouldn't be possible for me to stay some more time. Every time he asked I was about to say "Yes, I'll stay as long as you want" but then my head remembered me that there were a lot of people in Germany waiting for me, a university and an internship in Tenerife, and that my life had to continue in that moment. That was what I told him every time he asked, even if it made me so sad. Of course, he could understand that, but I also knew that it was always harder to be left than to leave a place, because he would stay in Amiens, continue his daily life, just that I would not be there anymore. I would return to Germany where we had never had a life together, and furthermore I would fly to Tenerife soon and make so many more exciting experiences, so it was possible that he would be suffering more than me - even if I was not too sure about that, because I was much more emotional than him.

During our lunch in the student's restaurant he told me that he had reserved a table in the Algerian restaurant in the city centre for the evening. I was surprised, because we had talked about this restaurant, but as he wasn't the person who liked to make plans and as we hadn't talked about any plans for this last evening I would have never expected that he would reserve a table there. I was happy and even more excited about the evening now, but before that he had to go back to work. So we left the student's restaurant and had a short coffee in Saint-Leu. We talked about his thesis and my plans for the six weeks at home, which were mainly meeting all my friends and my family, working on my bikini body and preparing everything for Tenerife. After our coffee I returned to the student's residency and he returned to his laboratory. The whole afternoon while I was organising my things I was excited and looking forward to the evening. We didn't do those "couple things" very often, but every time we did I was incredibly happy, because I was never expecting it. I washed the mattress cover and the shower curtain of my room and cleaned everything as good as possible. As the size of the room was only 9m², there wasn't a lot to clean fortunately, but I didn't want to pay any more money for a professional cleaning - something you had to pay when they tell you that your room isn't clean enough the day you are leaving. After I had finished this, I didn't really know what to do, so I took a shower and looked for nice clothes for the evening and spent the rest of the time watching series.

The attitude towards time..

The reservation was at 8pm, so I took the bus at half past eight and went about five minutes until the Algerian restaurant. Usually, my boyfriend was always too late, so I didn't expect him to come before 8:15, but he came earlier and it was not even 8:00! Obviously, this evening was really important for him - a fact that made me forget my departure the next day for a short time. We said hello, and I showed him my astonishment about his early arrival. He laughed, and told me that we couldn't enter the restaurant yet, because it was really too early. I thought that he had made a joke, but as I wanted to open the restaurant's door I realized that he was serious. He said that we should walk around five or ten more minutes in order to arrive a bit later. For me it was really difficult to understand that, who wanted to arrive too late on purpose?! But I didn't care and the restaurant seemed to be empty anyway, so we walked to a small park, sat down on a bench and talked about the next day. How long I would have to go, through which cities I would have to drive etc. After 15 minutes he finally agreed that we could enter the restaurant now. We returned and the waiter showed us our table.

Couscous Adventures - the Algerian Restaurant

The restaurant wasn't quite beautiful or classy inside, but it was clean and the decoration at the table was nice. As I had been waiting for my boyfriend cooking Cous-Cous for me during the whole semester we ordered cous-cous with different kinds of meat. I had never really eaten warm Cous-Cous before, I only knew it as salad. Furthermore, the cook in the restaurant was from the same region in Algeria than my boyfriend, so he was expecting a lot from that dinner. We had some wine and waited for our food, it would become a wonderful evening, I was sure about that. The food arrived and it was really incredible! It was simple: couscous, vegetables, meat and sauce. Additionally there were some other bowls with nuts and raisins and other stuff that I didn't want to have in my Cous-cous, but my boyfriend seemed to love it. We had a lot of fun during the dinner, as we always had, and for some hours I forgot that it was our last evening for a longer time. It was as if we knew each other already for years, we were laughing about the same things, could talk about (almost) everything and time was passing so fast when we were together. But every evening has an end sometime, so after two or three hours we paid and left the restaurant. I hadn't been sure for the whole day if he would sleep at my place that evening, because I wanted to depart early the next morning, but he wanted to. That made me happy, so we took the bus to the residency one last time. 

The last night 

This evening I tried to burn every second into my brain - how it felt to be next to him, how his clothes were smelling, how he was laughing etc. Simply everything, I didn't want to forget anything about him. We watched a movie and he helped me packing my last things. I told him not to mess up the room, because I had already cleaned everything, but he didn't care because he always told me that I was caring too much. We had a lot of fun together and forgot about my departure the next day - we couldn't change anything anyway. We looked for my route and talked about the trip and everything a bit and when he left the room for a second I hid the present for him in my handbag. Unfortunately, time was passing by much too fast (even faster this evening) and we fell asleep after a while. I couldn't sleep so well that night, because there were so many things in my head - sadness, excitment, fear, love - simply everything, so I just watched him sleeping next to me and tried not to cry.

Time to say Goodbye

The next morning it was very hard for me to get out of the bed, because he didn't let me go, and always just asked me to stay 5 more minutes. Furthermore, I didn't want to leave him neither, so my motivation to get up and leave that country was incredibly small. But after a while (much too late) we got up, he had a shower and I packed the last things in three small bags. The rest of my things was already in the car. I cleaned a bit more (I was losing so many hair!) and when he came out of the bathroom it was time to go. We brought down the things to my car and when everything was in there I went to the reception and told the woman that somebody needs to check my room because I wanted to leave. Obviously she didn't really understand that I wanted to leave right now, because first it took some time until she told me that I had to search for the cleaning woman myself, and she couldn't even tell me where she was! The building was big enough and it would have taken us hours to look for her, but fortunately we found her in the first floor of the building 1. She accompanied us to my room, quickly looked at everything and made ticks at the document I had to send to my assurance and give to the woman at the reception. Everything was okay and I was happy that I didn't have to pay anything. We went back to the reception and I gave her keys and the paper.

That was the moment when my happiness ended, because now it was really time to say goodbye. We went outside to my car and didn't really know what to say. So he just told me that we would meet in Germany soon and that I should drive carefully. I told him that we really HAD to meet soon in Germany before I would go to Tenerife, and that I would miss him. Then I gave him the letter and the present I had prepared for him, and told him to read it later when I was gone. He gave me a short kiss and left to the bus station - before he could see that I had started to cry. I entered the car and started to put my home adress into the GPS. After I couldn't see him walking anymore I started the car and tried not to cry too much. It was hard to know that I wouldn't see him for a longer time now, and it was even harder that I didn't have a letter from him telling me how much he loved me - I still didn't know.. The only thing I could do was hoping that our love was strong enough and that he was just not the person who tells somebody else his feelings. 

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