"Erasmus-proof" love stories!

Introduction

When you start thinking about pursuing a project, as important as it is time-consuming, at least from a relative -but normal- point of view, it necessarily presupposes a natural detachment from the context in which one used to live, whichever it may be.

Everything changes!

Indeed, whether we live in France, in Italy or in any other country in the world, our lives will be bound to "change" or at the very least, to set aside for a while some relationships, or even to live them in a different way. "From afar".

"I'm not leaving because I've a boyfriend"

I know for sure, indirectly or through manifested cases among the people close to me, that when we approach the organization of such a project, most of the taken ones, or otherwise romantically involved, they immediately find a huge block if, as in most cases occurs, one's soul mate also belongs to the country of origin of the much-willing Erasmus student.

It is perhaps a "too prudent choice" that mostly concerns some girls (and it pains me a lot, knowing the skills that the female gender is able to manifest, too).

Yet, there are many girls who gave up the Erasmus project 'only' because their boyfriend would have been jealous. Or because they were afraid that their relationship would not hold up. Or still, because they were the first to fail to handle the distance.

The moment you want to make a choice of such importance, as is it staking the relationship, long-lasting or not that it is -but still significant-, it is certainly not desirable to try to have some advice from someone, as even unconsciously, it could influence our choice or could only point out what happened in their own experience.

Each relationship has its own story

I believe, as many of you I hope, that every relationship has its own story, with its reasons. Here's why I find it pointless and very misleading to accept an advice on it, even from people who have faced similar situations.

About my experience

That's why I shall confine myself to provide a piece of information, and a modest opinion on this, with regard to my Erasmus experience.

I would like to warn you straight away, to all that follows, that I believe that any form of culture or social improvement that belongs to the ranks concerning human being development, is worth of the time of which each of us is guardian in each own life, before anything else or any other person.

Nevertheless, I also consider myself a careful and highly sensitive person to the problems of couples and relationships in general.

Getting away from the family is already, in fact, and in the first place, a very strong emotional detachment, which is perhaps the ultimate true meaning and aim of the Erasmus project: personal development, even before the cultural one.

However, this is not stopping me from believing and thinking that, as I have already announced, it is not right to give up such an occasion only because this would be an impediment to the good of the other person. Solely because it would provoke to us new sensations of sorrow and lack -surely- but also of new awareness.

It's not that easy!

It is not so easy, however, to be as focused as my statement seems to be, at a time when there really is a caring presence at your side, maybe even very important and participating in our lives, without which it would be difficult to live your own study period abroad.

Question time!

Could it also be one of the many purposes that the Erasmus project is seeking, namely independence, including the emotional one? I'll leave the answer open, to avoid providing too personal a judgement to this section of suggestion, while moving forward a description of what could be the most important "solutions" useful to address, and of course to solve the problem mentioned here.

Possible solutions

Solution no. 1: MOVE AWAY!

As the saying goes, "If the mountain will not come to Mahomet, Mahomet must go to the mountain. "

This sentence, if well understood, already elucidates very clearly what I would like to address as the first solution to the difficult situation that forces to live a distant relationship, however relatively short this could be.

Yet, in this case, however, the figure of Mahomet is not to be understood exclusively as the partner who "stays at home", but, given the countless travel opportunities, and especially of cheap flights of which we are happily blessed nowadays. The "Mahomet" is to be found in both components of our hypothetical couple forced to live at a distance due to one of the two being an Erasmus.

The needs for stay in the Erasmus period are, more than anything else, dependent on the study program you intend to carry out.

It will be, however, entirely possible to get away for short periods, to regain contact with our own original life. Even if just for a weekend.

Trying though to stimulate your partner under the pretext and the incentive to a new opportunity for travel and posing it as a new discovery even for them, could without doubt be a good starting point for simply accepting this new situation and trying to be able to live it at its best, without too many unnecessary thoughts.

Solution no. 2: to love differently!

I'm talking about the use of technology! Although almost all of us, nowadays, have a mobile phone that allows us to make a video call, for example, I'm sure that not all boyfriends who have their girlfriend a few miles away, will think of "video-calling her " just to see her face.

In this regard, my "second solution" simply wants to remind you that there are a thousand different ways of loving each other that are able, at least, to show your life as a couple "with different eyes"!

Only focus on the meetings

A long time ago, I have already experienced a first "long distance relationship" and although in the end, alas, "it did not work", I can certainly testify that, when the modalities of expression of the relationship change, in terms of distance, then it is really easy, indeed almost automatic, for everyone -I believe (! )- to perceive a kind of "mental detachment" towards the needs to see that person during those periods of separation.

However, this strong "indifference" could always be compensated for by a much larger and concentrated desire. As in when, occasionally but not seldom (! ) I made greater sacrifices only "to be able to see him even for 5 minutes".

So, to make a long story short, I can tell you that yes, surely you will miss them, and yes, surely it will not be easy. But also that you both will learn to really appreciate those fortunate moments when you can see each others, making them unique every time, and almost always unforgettable, regardless of how "your relationship is going to play out".

Solution no. 3: the presents!

I am a very romantic girl and anyone who really knows me will agree!

However, I always like to remind it to my readers when it comes to love!

Although I have stopped for a long time to "think romantic", due to a nasty disappointment, for quite a while I feel within me a growing desire to be romantic as I was once, or at least, half of it!

This is why I suggest, if it is possible and you agree with my suggestion, to invent new ideas to stay close to your love.

First of all, it could be a gift to give out before your departure such as a watch, or why not, even a small, or large, surprise gift that you took care of sending them, or otherwise to have it delivered personally.

Beware!

Always be careful not to overdo it! There are those who sometimes, being too pampered, will believe that they can do "everything they want", just because they feel "overly loved".

That's why, being in a state of distance, to give too much security to the other, does not do so much good to the couple.

Do you know what could happen if the other one felt too confident of you despite the remoteness?

Well, if you don't know, think about it twice, you can imagine it!

There are no rules in love!

Hence, in my humble way of seeing things, there is not any sort of experience or past story that could assure anyone about the right way of facing a situation like this, like "what to do" and "what not to do" advices.

Yet, notwithstanding this, I avail myself of the presumption to say also that what happened to me could draw a small but luminous trail of meaning, with the sole purpose of reflecting on the general theme of the importance of both love and our own identity. Indeed, I have no problem to confess that in the past I had a very important story that ended in such a sad way and that it has left me signs on me.

Don't throw away your life!

I decided, or rather, desired to face, in recent months, a more open attitude to life, less locked up in the trap of regret. With the desire to "forget" as they say, but with the will to clarify what is right to do, and not to leave it up to the thoughts that our mind normally faces during any emotional loss, such as sadness, nostalgia and disappointment.

Approaching then the thought of such an experience, although I was single at that time, I still thought about the possible hypothesis of being able to meet someone along my new path.

I do not deny that the idea of sharing at least a part of my life with a person with a culture different from mine, Spanish particularly, has fascinated my imagination a lot, so much so that the question I made to myself about the intention of wanting "to being again" to live also from the sentimental point of view, leaving the past behind me, my answer has been positive, in favour of my new land.

A new life!

As the days passed, my thought of wanting to open new doors and new possibilities in my beloved Spain, even with regard to my heart and not just to my mind, has turned into the will to leave behind all the people who had brought this kind of feelings into me so far. And, above all, to depart and arrive in my new destination with a heart free from sentimental emotional ties and from regrets towards all the stories that have accompanied me in the past.

I'm leaving a bit of my heart in Rome!

This was a thought that gave me a feeling of well-being, until a few days ago.

I am in fact still convinced of what I reported above, but the unexpected encounter with a guy (by the way of Cuban origins! ) in Rome has made me change my mind a little, for about two weeks.

I actually tried to explain my reasons, in the same moment that I realize the earnest and valid intentions of this guy. But, as it happens when even the smallest and most innocent of feelings is being born, I have not been able to convince myself of the veracity of what I was saying, as I had done before. I do not know yet what will be of this story, yet I feel perfectly within me that something has changed, however small it could be.

Thanks to this sensation I can understand, more than ever, that love is a feeling mainly "unexpected" and that you can not decide where how and when you'll find it!

The most important tip of them all!

That is why I do not want to give advice of any kind in this post, if not the very important one, to simply follow your heart and your feelings. Remembering though the very important truth: that you can be faithfully and permanently engaged to each other, even to the most unacceptable of distances. But above all, you must always remember the greatest and most safe love on Earth, namely that for ourselves.

It is not with selfishness that I affirm this, but with truth and so much lived objectivity. Giving up something that we want because someone who is at our side fails to accept a positive experience, however painful for us personally, should without a shadow of a doubt, make us think of the hypothesis that this person does not care enough, or that they care so much to not be able to withstand our absence.

In this case, the choice to give up something that we really want only to please the person we love, remains a pure and only freedom of the person who will have the obligation to choose whether to depart "unhappily" or stay at home "happily". Except that there is nothing really safe in life, at least as far as most of the social relationships that are being created nowadays.

This will also be another responsibility of actions and life that Erasmus is planning to trust us?! I guess so!

Regarding my personal experience, I can only conclude saying that I never would have expected to find anyone seriously interested in me who is also able to give me emotions just a few days before my departure for the Erasmus! A strange coincidence which I decided would have not limited my departure!

A month later...

I update this post after just over a month of Erasmus and I can say that I didn't expect at all to be writing these words.

All love relationships in my opinion require special care, especially during the initial period. Yet, as I know for my own experience, it is very difficult sometimes to be able to address them in an objective way and with the right and due rationality. Not because we won't be capable of, but because the feelings often overwhelm us so much that we can't control ourselves. And, most importantly, it is impossible to understand what is happening.

The effect of the distance!

I think each relationship has its own story and that's precisely why I believe that nobody should afford to give advice to others on what to do or say, in certain circumstances. Based from my thoughts, I think every couple tackle the experience of estrangement from each other differently.

If it's not working, it won't work!

As for me and the "relationship status" that I left in Rome but still took to Barcelona with me, I think this period of estrangement, though very premature, served me to learn many new things.

Despite the daily cares and demonstrations that I have given and received, actually, we both understood that, although there were good intentions on both sides and a strong and intense feeling, the diversity of character can be a hindrance even stronger than the distance.

I'm not a girl who "give and take" very easily and anyone who knows me can say that for most of my life I was tied to who hasn't been any longer with me. But it is also thanks to the painful experience, which are part of my past, that I understood, now more than ever, that the respect and the complicity of character must be at the heart of any bond having "the best of intentions in the end".

I hope I explained sufficiently and confirmed, once again, my initial and more than useful advice for anyone about to reflect on the decision to leave for Erasmus or not, based on your current relationship status. That is to say, the importance of remembering that, unfortunately, today the relationships do not provide security, especially if you started recently. Then, of course, these aren't worth the waiver of a choice and a trip that could -and that almost certainly will- bring your person "even further".

Back from my Erasmus!

I write these last lines nearly two weeks after my return from the Erasmus experience. Although I'm not going to say anything about "other" possible situations that may be present in my life, I wish I could spend some few more words regarding this situation that "accompanied" me during my "one way trip"!

Certainly, I can say that I did not expect this story to end the way it ended.

However, I appreciated the ways and attempts at proposal to try and rectify mistakes.

Despite this, it is really true that "when a vessel has broken, it never comes back as it was before! " Or, at least, is true in this case!

I'm not a girl who says goodbye to a love story so easily. Which is why, despite everything, I felt, strongly at times, the lack of this person, but when a very important reason turns up, almost driving me to do this, then I feel "brave enough" not to put the other before myself.

Conclusions

Finally, to sump up, I would like to say that a very important thing that is lacking today in many a couple's relationship is the respect.

I won't, however, get to refer to the couple's infidelity, but the respect that is missing towards the partner.

It's a difficult cohabitation between men and women, yet this does not mean that we can afford to raise our voices, or attempting to be violent, even when speaking, although it is because of our personality that we act this way.

In the latter case, it is for the very difficult odds to be able to change our personality (especially during an age no longer young! ), that you have to think thoroughly to your future and to your partner.

It is really worth suffering?

My answer is that anyone who loves you doesn't make you suffer. Or at least, will try to bring respect, the moment they open the mouth, talking to you and about you!

From Strangelove, that's all for now!

I hope you enjoyed this article because it is one of the longest that I posted in this blog!

Comment if you want to increase the debate, It will only give me an immense pleasure!

See you soon!

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