Dealing with homesickness

When I was younger…

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Homesickness can definitely make your experience abroad unpleasant.

When I was a kid, I was homesick a lot. And by a lot, I mean my parents had to pick me up from a five days long summer camp thirty minutes away from home because I was so homesick I was crying all the time and refused to do any activities and even eat. And the fact that I knew, even as a little kid, I wanted to see the world, but knowing that I am homesick, made me even sadder. And then something changed.

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This picture represents me at that summer camp so well it hurts.

I had to go to high school that was two hours away from my childhood home because I wanted to study Hospitality and tourism. I wanted to work in the travel industry, and that was the closest school where I could study what interested me. And since home was two hours away, I had to stay in a dormitory, because driving there and back every day would not make sense at all, because it would consume a lot of time and money.

So I moved to that city during the week, and I was completely fine - I made a lot of new friends and I did not even realise I was not at home. Of course, I still went home on weekends, but I was not dreading to return to the dormitory at the end of the weekend.

My first Erasmus experience

Then, it was time for the university. And at the beginning of my first year at the university, I decided I would love to study in a different country for a few months. And since my university was participating in an Erasmus program, I applied. I had a hard time picking a school - I knew I wanted to go to Portugal, and the school I wanted to study at was extremely popular: most students picked that school as their first choice. So I did not have high hopes, despite the fact that I wrote a pretty good cover letter and I speak five languages fluently.

And then, one sunny, day, I received a blue envelope from my university. I opened it and I did not read the text at all. All I saw were the words: ‘…you were accepted to the first university of your choice…’ and I literally started crying of joy. The first thing I did was call my mum and tell her the good news, but I could tell that she was disappointed I was accepted to a study abroad program. And I got the same reaction from a few of my good friends. And it was so bad, everyone made me feel so guilty that I almost considered staying at home.

The hardest thing for me was therefore not leaving my country for a few months, but the disapproval of my parents and most of my friends. Most people that I deeply care about, said that I would fail the second year of university because I did not know the language, and studying abroad was also a sign of not being serious. Hearing that from my parents hurt my feelings a lot because they were the people I expected the most support from.

But I arrived in a new country, and it was a life changing experience. I am not going to lie, it was not easy at all, but I survived to tell the story. The hardest part after arrival was the feeling that I disappointed my family and friends, and that was the main source of my homesickness there. But later in life (I am speaking like an old lady now! ), I realized that as selfish as it might sound to some people, my happiness should always come first. Because, after all, if I am not happy, how am I going to make other people happy?

Living on a different continent

As you probably figured out, I live in the United States of America now, which means that it takes a twelve-hour flight (if I am lucky and it is a direct flight) and a two-hour drive from the airport to reach my family. And I often feel like I am missing out, because we constantly talk about things we do, and it breaks my heart because I am not there to enjoy the happy moments with them.

Of course we Skype, but it is not the same. Luckily, my sisters visited me a few months ago after not seeing each other for a year, and we had an amazing time. But after they left, I was really sad for a few weeks, and I actually thought of flying back home and visiting the rest of the family. But then I decided against it, since they would most likely not approve a new visa due to stricter regulations at the border.

But I think my family feels the same about me - they feel like they are the ones missing out on something awesome because they are not here with me. Well, I decided that I will pay them a surprise visit this summer - I will literally just show up at home without telling anybody. Hopefully, they will actually be home and not on vacation. Fingers crossed.

How do I deal with homesickness?

I have to mention that my episodes of homesickness nowadays are rare, but they do happen sometimes. During those periods, I feel lonely, anxious and out of place, and nothing interests me. And a very important thing to do when you feel this way is to admit that the problem is there, because this is the only way to find a good coping strategy. Some of the coping strategies that I find extremely helpful are the following:

First of all, do not Skype or be on the phone with your family and friends from home too much! I know how bad it might sound, but if you decide to talk to them every day, this will be the only thing you will be looking forward to and you will not do anything fun with your life. You will also be sad after the call ends and you will not want to do anything productive until the next call.

Find new (or new old) hobbies. There is no better way to deal with homesickness than to find something to do that you will look forward to doing. If it is an old hobby, you will feel at ease because you will be doing something familiar. If you decide to try out a new hobby, great - you will be focused on that particular activity and not on sad feelings.

Meet new friends. It is easier than you think! You are from a different country, therefore you are interesting and everybody wants to talk to you. Go to a local bar and start a conversation. Or join the gym or a Spanish class. You will meet people your age and people with similar interests.

Talk, talk, talk about your feelings. If you are feeling homesick and sad, tell somebody. It can be your friend, a random stranger on the internet, or even your diary. When we talk about our problems, we often realize they are not as big as they seem after another person offers his or her point of view.

While change can be good, routine and familiar things can sometimes be even more helpful. For example, do not throw away the framed pictures of your family because you get sad every time you look at that picture. It is a reminder that you love your family and it is normal that you miss them. Also, you can prepare food from home and you will not feel that far away anymore.

You can also make a bucket list of things that you want to see and do in your new country. You will look forward to seeing and doing new things, and it will be a welcome distraction from missing home.

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Make a bucket list that will be full of interesting experiences that you will look forward to doing.

A few words for the end…

Nowadays, when I travel for shorter periods of time, I am not homesick at all, because my travels are always packed with activities and exploring. But being away from home, family and friends for extended periods of time is not always easy. Most of my friends from home, and, of course, my parents still disapprove my travels, but I have reached a point where I care about what I like and I do not care about fitting into the norms of society anymore. And I am having the time of my life!

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It is true that there is no place like home, but do not let that fact discourage you from exploring the world!

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