Alone in Paradise again

I went to the bus station outside the airport and everything I felt was just incredible sadness. I know, it sounds exaggerated and as I would love to dramatize, but it was really hard for me to let him go without knowing when I would see him again. I had bought flight tickets to Paris for New Year but as he didn't like planning, he couldn't tell me for sure that he would be in France at that time of the year.

That was something driving me crazy - if he wasn't there, what would I do alone in Paris during New Year? But I had been naive enough to buy the tickets, so I just hoped that he would be there and not in Algeria with his family. But even if we would meet there, it was still almost 2 months away. Two months nobody would visit me - there was just me and work. Of course, before it was totally okay to live alone, work, and meet the girls some days. But now I knew how it could be like to live with him in my new apartment. To walk through the city together, cook together, sleep next to each other. It would be so hard to get used to the "lonely" day-to-day life again because now I knew how lovely it was to spend time with him here in Tenerife.

But I had to. So, I was waiting for the bus bringing me back to Puerto de la Cruz (I didn't understand the bus schedule as usual, so I was just waiting for some bus) and watched the nature next to the airport. It was half past 6 and the sun was about to rise - a wonderful atmosphere. It was a bit cold and I was extremely tired, so I hoped that there would be a bus soon. But as it was a national holiday I was not sure about that. So, I waited and waited and tried not to think about my sad situation. But of course, as I didn't have anything to do while I was waiting, I was thinking too much and became even more sad. There was nothing to look forward to during the following weeks and that was something that made me fall into a large black hole. Before I could always think about him to come and my mum and my dad, but now there was nothing.

I had to wait for the bus almost one hour but finally there was one to my direction. But in the bus, it wasn't better because the only difference now was that it was a bit warmer than outside. I looked outside the window and thought about the great time we had during these 7 days he was here. I watched our pictures at my mobile phone and was happy and sad at the same time - it's an ambiguous feeling to miss somebody so much. Arrived in Puerto de la Cruz I left the bus and decided to walk next to the sea. The sun had almost risen completely and it was a wonderful shot for my camera - the beauty of nature distracted me shortly from my loneliness. But when I came home it was even worse. I haven't been in my new apartment without him before - we moved in together the last week. So, it was even harder to be there alone, without him. As it was a national holiday, I didn't work that day and had a lot of time to be sad and become sadder with every minute.

I knew that it was no solution to be sad and cry the whole day. But for the moment I didn't know any way to exit from that situation, so I put our pictures on the computer to save them, cleaned the apartment, washed my clothes, washed the dishes and watched crap shows at the tv. But nothing was funny or could really distract me. So, I called my Dad who had asked me if I was fine before. I had to make a large effort not to cry because everything I wanted in that moment was to get into my car and visit him. He would hug me, tell me that everything would be alright and that we would have a coffee and a large chocolate cake now. Or go somewhere. Or just watch TV and laugh together. But he wasn't there, and I was sitting in my apartment in Tenerife, so I had to be happy with talking to him via mobile phone. He told me that we would see each other again and that he was sure that he misses me as much as I am missing him (something I wasn't that sure about). We talked a bit about the last week, what we did, what happened to my apartment and why I had to move. He told me everything new from Germany and finally we didn't have anything more to talk about. So, we finished the call and I was alone again.

I didn't know what to do with all the free time - usually free days are passing by so quickly, but that one was like endless. I slept a bit, watched TV, tidied up my room, walked a bit next to the sea, ate an ice cream and bought food at McDonalds because I didn't have any energy to cook something. I decided to write the diving school again and ask if there was the possibility to dive again with them in November and looked for a company doing Paragliding flights. I found a quite nice looking one and wrote an email with some questions. I had to find things I could be looking for until the Christmas holidays that would start the 23rd of December. Sometime later I cooked some pasta for work the next day and so the day passed by finally. I went to bed even if I couldn't sleep well and wasn't motivated at all to start the work week the next day.

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