Common good

After we left Crab behind and departed towards a new adventure, we found an airbnb at a house that was pretty close to where we were had been staying. To avoid the hassle of having to walk more than two hours with our luggage on our backs, we decided to go to that airbnb and have a few more days of house searching. 

We packed our bags, said our goodbyes, and went to this other place. It was strange, because I felt like I was invading someone's home. The airbnb...er didn't clean up his stuff or made it feel like this was a house for guests. The house felt like it was his and he was just letting two friends stay for a few days. It felt weird, but that house was a blessing in disguise. There was something about the configuration of the house that pumped my blood and made me want to be really active! This was awesome for both me and Lemur, as we hadn't had a chance to be by ourselves in bed (we slept in the kitchen back at Crab's, but it was quite ok and they were super respectful). We stayed up late, we watched movies, we slept in, it was a great relaxing period where we also actively searched for the flat. 

In the meantime, Lemur was looking for a job and found one. He was happy to have found it and I was very happy he found it, as it was one of the conditions for him to stay in Brno with me. :)

Anyways, that house isn't memorable for anything good, because me and Lemur hit a big wall together when I was there. I planned on not sharing anything intimate here, but I will because no one will read this and it might also help me let go of a bit of the anger I still hold (which I didn't know I still had but apparentely do because my stomach just started contracting and I feel a bit of an adrenaline rush). Well, on the second day of our stay in this house, I was on Lemur's phone looking for an address he had asked me to send to his family while he was showering (this isn't true, but it was something like this). And so, since he gave me the phone and told me to go through it to find that address that was in one of the conversations on whatsapp, I did. I scrolled down on his phone because I could only see spanish groups (spanish people form whatsapp groups for everything...it's a bit on the mad side, but whatever). I found a conversation with a previous boyfriend of his with whom he had been for one month before meeting me. I found the conversation and opened it. And I don't care if it was the right or wrong thing to do, I did it. I found the conversation and, suddenly, I saw that the first time I had visited him in Barcelona after we had started dating in the summer, he was planning dinners and hangouts with his previous boyfriend. That would've been fine had they not had shared a long, full text where they told each other "I love you". This made me go haywire. I still don't know why I didn't break up with him on the spot. I had found a house that would take one person and that was within my budget, so he was just making the process longer and harder, but I was willing to fight for it because I wanted him by my side. Suddenly, all of that disappeared for a second. He was still showering, and so I took in some deep breaths and walked around the house a bit. Then I came back to the kitchen where I had read the text, took a picture of it and started preparing breakfast. When he left the shower, I started talking about love and about the people to whom we felt comfortable to say "I love you". And he said he barely said it to anyone and that if he did, he truly meant it, like for family and really close friends, longtime friends. That didn't meet the requirements for this guy though, since they had met and the same night they met they were together and stayed together for just a month before Lemur left him. So, while he was getting dressed, I opened his phone on the conversation and left it on the table with a note saying: if you don't mean it, why did you write it?". And I left the house for dramatic effect. But no dramatic effect came to be because it was so cold and snowing so hard outside, that I just came back inside and "decided" (was forced by nature) to face the situation. And face it I did. I was so hurt and betrayed. Still, I told him that he could explain and help me make sense of it. He explained. He said he didn't mean it in a way that he STILL loved him, just that he was very thankful for his presence and his help when he was facing some very hard times. We're still together, and, in my mind, I forgave him, but I will never forget that house and I will never forget this moment in Brno, because it's still something that lingers in my memories and my emotions and upon which I have zero control.

And that was the house I most liked and most hated in Brno.