New Year's Eve reminiscing

31st of December 2013. The last day of this year, full of ups and downs, as every other..
On this day, a year ago, I was in Brno, Czech Republic, on my Erasmus, celebrating New Years in the Vinarska dormitory with many other exchange students and with my friend from university in Zadar, Ivana Jurić.

We were supposed to catch the tram/bus and go wait the midnight in the city center, but we missed it and stayed in the dormitories, did the countdown in someone's room, don't even remember whose room it was. It doesn't matter anyway, what matters are the people who were there, and they were my friends. Sadly, with many of them I barely keep in touch now, one year later, but that's life; you can't keep in touch with everyone, it would keep you in front of the computer the whole time.
Tonight, I'm waiting for the 2014 to come with some friends from my village, in a club with the music I don't listen and am not a particular fan of, in a dress I like which I bought yesterday although I wasn't supposed to, in unmatching boots because I left all my shoes in Zadar (didn't think it would be warm enough to wear normal shoes for New Year's Eve), probably will get wasted to keep my mood somewhat cheerful and to ruin the image of a lady (which I am not and will never be). But, you know, it's okay, it'll be okay. I wanted things to be different and I imagined this night way better, but I'm stuck where I am and can't change much.
The year of 2013. A good year, taking everything into consideration. Half of it I spent in Brno, spending the last days with friends from all over the world and who I met there; having the best laughs and fun with them; saying goodbye (or see you later) to them; saying goodbye to my awesome/crazy/pretty/funny Russian roommate Daria,

wonderful/cool/silly/good Polish friend Tomasz,

insane/interesting/unusual/dear Greek friend Dimitris and so many more...

Then, meeting new friends from the spring semester; getting closer with the friends from autumn semester who stayed in Brno the whole year; being disappointed how things have changed - how new Erasmus go out too early, how basement parties are no good anymore, how Santana on Mondays is empty, etc.; getting to know new Erasmus people better and realizing they are awesome in a different way and that although things have changed, it's not a bad thing; feeling panic because of my (no)visa issues; amazing trips to Italy and Budapest and an adventure to Krakow; the goodbyes for the second time, which turned out to be even harder because everyone was going back home. June 2013 was the end of an era.
In the first half of 2013, I partied a lot, drank a lot, went out a lot, studied a bit, messed around with many boys, was awake many nights and asleep many days, ate numerous "healthy" sandwiches from the reception and smaženy syr/pizza from the Macedonian place next to the main station when going back home from a night out. I felt sad about the fact I didn't have the roomate in the second semester, then happy about it, then even happier when I got a great Italian girl to be my roommate for a month. I spent my first Easter away from home, in Germany, with a Slovenian guy I liked a lot and for whom I tought could be someone I would actually see myself in a relationship with, but it turned out it wasn't the case. He was really nice and those couple of days for Easter were great, I met his friends and we went to visit some places in France (he lives next to the boarder), we were getting along very good.

After he came to visit me again in Brno, things just fell apart. Still don't know exactly why, but they did. I was a bit depressed about it at the time, but it's hard to be depressed when Erasmus, so... I got over it quite quickly.
In the second half of this year, I spent 3 weeks in France, first 2 in Saint Tropez, being au pair for a family there.

I was so excited to go there, because France and everything connected to it amazes me; plus, I love kids and it was an adventure to go live with an unknown family for a couple of months. However, it was a disaster. I was taking care of a 9 months old baby boy, who was very nervous because his teeth just started to grow. He wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep, was cranky all the time and never at ease. I had patience with him because after all, he's just a baby, but I couldn't cope with the parents. The first 2-3 days they were okay, and I didn't even complain about the fact that my "room" was 1 meter wide and 2 meters long, literally; I could barely turn around in it, and if I was a fat person, I would have serious problems to get dressed in it; I didn't complain about the fact I was supposed to be in the house with the baby the whole day, only Sundays free. When they started to be moody, angry at me and giving me a silent treatment, without even stating what I did wrong and what was the problem until the next day when they would not talk to me, but send me a text that they are not satisfied and want me to be better or they would search for someone else; when they were okay with me one day but angry the next, altough I didn't do anything different in those two days; when they were checking up on me every hour or two and telling me how they can't be doing that all the time because they have to work (like I told them they have to come home every hour); when they were telling everyone who would visit how good I am but to me they were telling they're not happy with me - even then I told them I will try harder and that I wanted to stay. But when on my first free day, a Sunday, I went to visit St Tropez, take a swim in the sea and get some tan, they started texting me how I was there just to have fun, to party in St Tropez and not to work, when I got back home and saw that she was searching for another au pair "because the current one was just looking for fun", then I snapped. I reopened my profile on the internet and started searching for another family. I wasn't going to be anyone's slave.
I told them I'm leaving and stayed with my friend Flo in Rodez for a week. Oh, that week was great. I met his friends, visited the town, swimmed in the lake, played with his rabbit, relaxed after the two weeks of terror. Thank you, Flo, for that!

After that week, I flew to Cork, Ireland. I've spent 3 months there, being au pair in a wonderful family with 3 awesome children. Stephen and Doris were great, very nice, made me feel like home, respected me and loved like their own daughter; kids were funny, sweet, a bit spoiled but great.

I worked Monday-Friday, from 7 or 8 am till 9 or 10 pm, but in their family it wasn't hard. I met some great people there, had a lot of fun on the weekends, spent a lot of my free time in pubs.

I met Timmy, an Irish guy who caught all of my attention, even now when I'm at home. I definitely didn't plan to fall in love while there, that's for sure; but these things happen whether I want them or not. I knew it wasn't smart and that it would just hurt in the end, but when was I known for rational, smart decisions? 

At last, I came back home, then in Zadar; I moved into a new apartmant, have new roommates, met some new people, leading a bit calmer life than before. Let's say. And here I am now, writing this, at the end of the year. What I've done, what I should and what shouldn't have done, what chances I've missed and what chances I didn't get although I wanted them really bad? How many times I laughed to tears and how many times I've cried of sadness? How many times I've been angry, how many times happy? Desperate, surprised, disappointed, overwhelmed? What I've gained and what I've lost? You know, in the end, it all comes to a zero somehow.
So, I'm sorry for all the sadness I caused, I forgive for all the sadness I got; thank you for all the happiness and for it you're welcome; wish everybody a happy New Year and a happy new year, may it be better than this one that is counting its last hours. Cheers!

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