During the lecture of literary criticism or something like that

Today's class of Introduction to cultural and literary theory 1 was so interesting that I produced around 5 pages in my notebook, not notes that I was supposed to take but some random thoughts. Here is what I wrote while my professor was talking about literary criticism and Dryden and Coleridge and the rest of the company:

'Sometimes I like to sit in the tram and just being driven somewhere. To look through the window, listen to music downloaded from Youtube and coming from my earphones and to sit. Not to get out of the tram, to feel the presence of people who come and go and I stay. The problem here in Brno is that every tram has a final stop and then everybody has to get off; too bad.

It was snowing today, this time for real. I think it's snowing even now, when I'm in the classroom, my body present and listening an old lady talking something about Dryden and literary criticism, my mind somewhere else. Here, on the paper, I guess. Outside, watching the snow softly landing to the ground. I love snow. If it has to be winter, at least let there be snow. Otherwise it doesn't make much sense. A lot of people are really excited because they've never seen snow before. I see it every year and still I like it so much. I think I'm happy to live in a place where there is snow almost every year. I hope it will snow so much that it reaches at least till the knees.

I'm drinking coffee from the coffee machine in the hall. It's weird but I actually like it. I wish we had coffee machines with big size coffee back in Zadar; we have only those small shitty ones. Here you get a coverlid for your cup (which is, by the way, decorated with a winter pattern now) and it just looks so urban. The taste - not so bad. Too much sugar, though. I always press without sugar but it's still sweet.

It's funny how I get obsessed with cleaning when the time for studying comes. Two days ago I cleaned the room, completely, and today I wanted to clean it again. Till now, it was a complete mess. And right now, at this moment, I actually want to study, I have a huge will to be good and responsible and to pass my exams with the grade A, but I guess it's just a temporary rush from the coffee (caffeine).

Alexander Pope. I heard of him but I can't say anything, I forgot everything that I once learned (studied, better to say; if I have learned it, I would have known it now). I think he wrote Paradise Lost or something that has to do with this poem, an essay or something. Actually, Paradise Lost was written by John Milton, but when I hear "Paradise Lost", the name of Alexander Pope rings to me. Funny, I can see in front of me the page with the first lines of that poem, but no details. It's like a blurred photographic memory which doesn't serve to any purpose but to annoy me.

This woman (the professor) looks really kind. And smart. I think it would be cool to get some coffee with her and to talk. Or to go to some library meeting or something. I hope she has grandchildren or if she doesn't, that she will have them in the future.

My little niece has birthday today. Dorotea is now 2 years old. Big girl. Cutie pie, I want to see her and kiss her and squeeze her so hard, I miss her so much! And Klara and Gabriel. I'm actually happy to go home for Christmas, I want to see them all. Hopefully I won't have anything to study this time, I want to just spend time with my family and to party a bit. :D

I'm starting to feel sad a bit, it's almost over. I think about my Erasmus and I feel like I could have done so much more, I could have done it so much better and I didn't. I don't regret a thing that I've done but I wish I have slept less and did more - studying on time (would make my life so much easier now), partying more (if that's even possible), getting to know even more people. If I get the CEEPUS scholarship for the next semester and stay here, I'm gonna make it up. Although said so many times before, this time is for real.

I bought the tickets for a ski trip on 14th of December. In Slovakia. I've always wanted to go to Slovakia, don't exactly know why. And I never skied before. It will be fun. And lots of snow, I hope. Daria is going as well, and Maja, the Serbian girl. I spoke to her only a couple of times but I really like her. She's nice and friendly. And very pretty. I think we're gonna have so much fun (she also never skied before).

Christmas market. I have to visit the Christmas market, to buy some stuff for my family and some presents for a couple of friends. Speaking of friends, I miss you, my Croatian friends (Zizi, Ivanica, Anita, Nika, Žan, Tahi, Vilma, Abaza and sooo many more). And I'm gonna miss my new friends so much, especially some of them (you know who you are). I love to meet new people but I hate goodbyes... If only I could bring them all together!

My girl Anita moved in with her boyfriend. I'm so happy for her! She says everything is perfect so far and all the small things she described to me seem so cute. It makes me think of my own (future) relationships. Right now, I looks to me like I'm never gonna have a real relationship again. On one hand, I'm 22, I'm young, there's time. On the other, I'm 22 (!!) and I should have a boyfriend. Next year I'll be finishing my studies (hopefully) and I'll be single. It's just, I don't know anymore how to be in a relationship and I'm not even sure if I want to find out. I don't want to explain where I've been and with whom, why I didn't respond to the message etc. I don't want to think why mr. He didn't call, why he said that in that way, if I should be jealous or not. But I'd like to have someone to watch movies with, to snuggle and to think about when I don't have anything better to do. However, my problem is that I don't know how to be faithfull and how to keep interest in only one person. I guess I need more time, that now I just want to play and try everything. Maybe it will all come to its place one day when I fall in love for real. If it ever happens.

Heh, I wonder if people behind me think what the hell I am writing so much, I filled like 3 pages so far. And there is still 25 minutes of class left. Shit, I'm finishing my coffee.

One of the really bad feelings is the one when you know your friend is sad and you can't help them. You want to but just don't know how. You want to share your happiness and good mood but it fades away when you see they can't take it in. And although they say they want to be alone, you know you should not allow them that; and although you know that a hung will probably make them more sad, you want to hug them. It's so easy to say: "Everything is going to be alright" when you are okay, but these are the last words your friend wants to hear. They are true, though, no matter how lame they might sound. And maybe alcohol sometimes really helps, at least for the oblivion, for the moment. And in alchohol we are experienced now.

I went to "paintball" the other day. It wasn't a real paintball because the bullets didn't contain paint, they were rubber bullets. One of them left a beautiful mark on my shoulder, which is changing color every day (currently it's purple, green and yellow with a touch of red). Somebody shot me from close when I was running for the opposite, enemy's wall. It was fun, though. As soon as I get the pictures, I'll post them here. I was badass with the mask and a gun. :D'

You see, it was a really boring class. :)