I have changed

It has been a while, a while full of changes.

On the February 7th I left my home country to encounter new experiences thanks to Erasmus program. Didn\\\\\\\'t know what to expect, didn\\\\\\\'t know how it would change me or things around me. Didn\\\\\\\'t have any expectations at all, so after there wouldn\\\\\\\'t be any delusions... and I hate delusions, more then lies, more then betrayal or broken heart, because delusion is all things put and blended together.

Wouldn\\\\\\\'t imagine that will happen what happened. And happened almost everything, starting from feeling of happiness and revelation of persons\\\\\\\' dual nature, ending with absolute awareness of your moral limits and discovery of your personal endless egoism and eagerness to cheat your misery, even if it hurts somebody else.

Revelation of the bad side in person was the biggest challenge for me. And at this moment I am not only talking about others but myself. I am person who consists not only from good characteristics and qualities, I have bad ones too. And when I loose control of myself, I realize, there are a lot of them, and sometimes comes the time when you are incapable of controlling them. You just let them be. Afterwards you may have feeling of regret, or on the contrary, you may feel pretty relieved, because you had finally released the reins. You stopped thinking about everyone around you, and for the first time in a long long time thought only about your own well being, yours and yours only...

I\\\\\\\'ve experienced one of the best moments of my life, I\\\\\\\'ve felt liberated from philistinism burden and I\\\\\\\'ve set free my fears finally, finally.. I\\\\\\\'ve became a person I always wanted to but never had courage to be, there were times when I\\\\\\\'ve felt miserable and cheated, I\\\\\\\'ve felt disrespected and underestimated.. I\\\\\\\'ve felt misunderstood and mistaken..

I\\\\\\\'ve seen a lot of beautiful places, tasted heavenly food and had glorious moments to remember.. But most important I felt tons and tons of various emotions.. emotions that led me to who I am now, and to how I see the world now.. I revised my priorities and couldn\\\\\\\'t believe how much they had changed...

I believe I\\\\\\\'ve finally popped my naive childhood bubble I was living in.. I\\\\\\\'ll never loose my childish attitude though, at least I hope so, I enjoy absorb the world this way, but the way I perceive it has changed, and it has changed dramatically. I will never be able to see only one truth, there doesn\\\\\\\'t exists such thing, I will never be able follow some way of action because it should be correct one, because it isn\\\\\\\'t. Everything is unique, everyone, everywhere.. For every situation there is it\\\\\\\'s own solution.. there is no ready answer, we might find it only when the situation is right in front of us.. I finally understand, it is incorrect to judge, without knowing the background and reasons.. It is incorrect to judge in general to be fair. He might be wrong, he might be right. He might be wrong in my opinion, but right in opinion of others. Right? Everything depends how you put it. And for me, if I truly see the goodness in person his negative qualities just automatically get justified, with one reason or another. Goodness isn\\\\\\\'t perfect, it just is, and we have to learn to recognize it without tarnishing it with some meaningless minor imperfections, they don\\\\\\\'t mean a thing to me.. At least I\\\\\\\'ll try very hard to position my life by thinking this way...